Happy Thanksgiving!

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Remember how you spent Thanksgiving eve over the past few years? Maybe you were super excited to not have to work during the next 4 days! Maybe you went out and partied the night away knowing you didn’t have to work for the next 4 days. Maybe you just stayed up late and got a head start on cooking big ass dinner for your family and friends tomorrow. Which ever it is, or anything in between, odds are it will be different this year.

Here in Michigan we are under a new stay at home order and have been advised to keep gatherings small and only with family that you have already been with for the last few months already. It sucks for sure. We usually go to a friends house for Thanksgiving, and when I say friend I mean family, maybe not by blood, but we are certainly family anyway. So in these crazy times where do you draw the line? How far do you push the line to the right or the left for normalcy, for tradition, for family and friends?

Fact is, I dont know what works and what doesn’t, and it changes everyday it seems. Masks work, masks dont work, heard immunity, shelter in place it goes on an on. All I know is I would feel absolutely terrible if I gave it to anyone! The medical community has to wear masks for a hell of a lot longer than I do so I will wear them. Seat belts are uncomfortable but I wear one. Getting my boobs smooshed between two flat surfaces once a year hurts but I do it. For me, wearing a mask is not something I would choose to do, but I will. No I wont be going to a great big Thanksgiving dinner either, it just feels like the right thing to do, or not to do I guess.

Tonight after work my husband stopped at a buddies house, somewhere that he has gone to several times a week through this whole covid thing. A couple guys, have some beer, stand around and talk cars. Today I stopped there also. We said Hi, fist bumped, use sanitizer and stood 6 feet apart from each other. When we all started to leave there was no hugging, no kissing on the cheek, just a simple wave along with the statement “Have a great thanksgiving” and the reply “thanks, you too!” as off we all went. It wasn’t the same, and I’m sure we were all thinking that it was weird to not be able to hug and kiss everyone goodbye, but we that’s how we handled it. Nobody bitched, or moaned about not being able to do it, or having to wear a mask, we just did it because right now that is all we can do. And so I wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving and spend it how you feel best fit. I wont judge, but I hope that next year at this time things will be back to normal and when we leave work we get to celebrate however we want.

I use to be crafty!

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When I was younger, if you ask my friends, I think they would say I was crafty… I knit, sewed, painted, did ceramics, baked, etc. I had many homemade sweaters, cloths and room decor that I created myself. I enjoyed it very much and often had the “urge” to start a new project. Many items I saw an item for purchase and would think, I could make that, and often did.

Then life happened, I guess, because I stopped. I got married, had kids, a house, a job, responsibilities, the list goes on. A friend and I were shopping recently and we found a wooden decorative sign that we both liked. I stated that I thought we could make that. My girlfriend laughed out loud and said “You? Crafty?” I looked at her, amazed that she would say that. “I’m crafty!” I said. My girlfriend laughed again and stated that she didn’t see me making anything that, but did see me buying something like that.

I’ve been thinking about this conversation since then. Why dont I do those “crafty” things anymore? My kids are grown, and I sure dont go out and party like I use to, so why dont I start doing somethings “crafty” again? Now in my free time, I clean out a closet or do laundry. My husband and I might get crazy and go out for dinner but then come home and sit to watch The Voice or a football game. I could and should be doing the things that I did when I was younger that brought me so much pleasure. Does being an adult mean that you cant do those things anymore? Would I be laughed at? Would people think less of me?

I’ve come to realize a creative outlet is something that I need again in my life. This Covid got us spending much more time in our houses and missing out on many things we need to stimulate our minds, to have something to have passion for. I’ve been thinking about it more and more as the weeks go on. I love my family, but they are stuck in the house with me, so they aren’t really much help. So I’ve been on line, looking at art websites and craft websites. I’ve thought about maybe redecorating a room, or pulling out the old sewing machine, maybe using the sewing machine to make things to decorate a room. I dont think that anyone can chose how they are going to find your passion, especially with arts and crafts, it has to find you, but I’m going to use my time during this second (or third?) round of covid to find what makes me happy to be home, not find what chores I need to do while I’m at home. If we all maybe found just one thing that makes us happy, painting, reading, exercising(pfft no), maybe this shelter in place thing we are doing would be worth it…. and no I dont care if I got laughed at or if people think less or me.

weekends are for cooking… shows.

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I dont know about you, but the older I get the less I sleep in on weekend mornings. It sucks, but I guess this is what I am now. I have learned over time to find ways to still unwind and relax a little. My husband, who clearly hasn’t grow up, still sleeps in late on the weekends just like he did in college. One way I decided to relax on the weekend is that that I should not have to do anything house related until he wakes up. Seems reasonable right?

Another way I do it is with a really good cup of coffee and biscotti or bagel in the morning. I use my Bialetti Moka coffee pot to make a cup or two just the way I like it, grab a salted caramel biscotti sit down, turn on the tv and watch cooking shows. Sometimes our dog Cerberus will lay at my feet, or on my lap (he is to big to be a lap dog, but sometimes tries). For some reason making your own cup of coffee, even if it takes a little extra time is extremely satisfying. The smell permeates the house as it begins to brew on the stove top and you know it going to taste way better than the coffee you buy from the coffee shop on your way to work in the morning. By the way, I buy a lot of coffee from coffee shops, but more for convenience on my way to work than anything, Damn you Starbucks and coffee beanery!

The cooking show, or shows usually, that I watch have to be equally satisfying. I dont want to watch fast moving quick witted shows where the cooks spending their time making jokes, or traveling from location to location offering quick and highly edited versions of whatever food they are making. For me, on weekend mornings, I want to watch shows from hosts who have calming voices, show you the best julienne cut or brunoises dice technique while standing in “their” kitchen preparing a meal that you know is going to taste like heaven for their family or special people in their life. These shows are what I imagine I would look like when I am preparing food for the people that I love, comforting, inviting and delicious. Cooking shows draw me in, holding my cup of coffee with both hands just below my chin as I watch intently thinking how good these recipes would taste if I made them for dinner tonight, or even cooked for that matter.

You see, I dont cook. I CAN cook, and I actually am a pretty good cook. My friends often complement me on my cooking when I do it. I just dont like to cook, in fact I kind of hate it. Buying the ingredients, measuring, cutting, mixing etc. all of it is what I dont like, and I really dont like the clean up afterward (but who does). Maybe its the mess, maybe its the anti climax of eating it all and then having nothing to show for it, maybe it is the rules that you must follow to create the dish, I’m not sure, but it’s not for me. I often say that because I dont like to cook my sons are now both pretty good cooks, they had to be. This is only partially true, I obviously always cooked and fed them, but I also encouraged them to make something for themselves if I was making something for dinner that they did not like. My husband also can cook, and now that I am working and he is working from home, he often has dinner ready when I get home, and I love that!

So here I sit, in my favorite chair, dog at my feet with the perfect cup of coffee on a Sunday morning and all is right with the world. The cook is making salted Carmel pancetta that looks like it would be crazy delicious. ” I should make that” I think to myself, knowing I wont. I take a sip of coffee holding it with both hands as the warmth from the cup makes me exhale a relaxed and content sigh. I hear my husband waking and moving around upstairs and think that it is time to clean the kitchen or vacuum before we get late into the day. It is the weekend and I have many things to do, but cooking probably wont be one of them.

Eat, drink and be scarry

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As I stated in my earlier post I love fall. With that of course is Halloween. If your my age, insert old age joke here, you remember the store bought costumes that our parents bought big enough to fit over our winter coats, with leg sleeve that were always to short and the top that tied from the back so you always needed help getting in and out of it. And what about those masks! One thin piece of elastic stapled to the mask on each side. If the mask was to small the staples would scratch the side of your face, if it was too big the elastic wouldn’t keep the mask on right and you would get scratched by the sharp holes of the cut out eyes. And lets not forget how devastated we would be if the elastic broke all together!

When my kids were really little I could buy those cute little penguin or lion costumes and put them on my kids. Hubby would stay home to hand out candy and I would take the boys out for bit taking pictures along the way as they dragged their candy bags walking from house to house. They were always ready to go home before I was. Lets be real, as an adult isn’t part of trick or treating looking in peoples houses when they come to to door to see what other houses looked like inside? That wasn’t only me right?

Once my kids got a little older and we moved into a new subdivision Halloween changed. The kids wanted to go trick or treating themselves, and the put their costumes together from stuff we had around the house, my boots, dads jacket, whatever. They teamed with their friends from our neighborhood and plotted their course of action for the night, which sometimes didn’t even involve actual trick or treating. It changed for us parents too. We still went out in groups, to “supervise” of course. But instead brought a wagon, with our coolers in it and maybe some extra gloves or hats, we are suppose to be the parental units after all. One year we caught up with one of my sons friends and his dad out and about. He teamed up with us and my three girl friends. We got to his house and the kids ran up and rang to door bell for mom to hand out treats. Talk about a Halloween fright! She did not take to kindly to the 4 moms dropping off her now very drunk husband. Needless to say we did not see him at Halloween the following year… I dont think he has been seen since, humm. One couple in the neighborhood has the Halloween tradition of handing out jello shots, adults only! That is a very popular house Halloween night and great NEW way we celebrate the holiday.

These days my kids are grown, and do the haunted house, or party at a friends house Halloween. Normally hubby sits on the couch and watches some sporting event when I busy myself in the kitchen until I hear the door bell ring. Kids dont yell “trick or treat” like they use to. They often wait until the door is opened, and just say it, rather politely. Last year the local police department made a (nice) visit to the neighborhood, talked to a few families, and handed out some candy to the kids. Last year it rained a little, but the kids still came out, young ones with their parents in cute little princess and and star wars costumes, and older ones dressed in old cloths that really aren’t a costume and more just different from what they usually wear.

This year I already have my bowl of candy ready. Some houses in the neighborhood are very decorated and some aren’t at all except for a pumpkin or two. Ours is the latter, I’m to old for this decorating bull shit. But I’m still excited to see all the little kids in their cute and scary outfits and the parents who think they are the first parents to ever drink beer from the road as their kids run up to strangers doors to beg for candy (amateurs’). It will be cold out tonight, low 50’s, but not rain. A slight wind will make the leaves swirl and decorations sway. Hopefully we will have a clear sky that will be bright with the full moon that we have tonight. Could be the makings of a perfect fall Halloween night, Even if I never leave my house.

Happy (and safe) Halloween!

Fall….

I love fall, its my favorite time of the year. Maybe because I grew up in one of the most beautiful parts of Michigan when it’s fall. The picture I’ve included is a great example. The suspended bridge that swayed a little when crossed, the copper color of the water before it blended with the coldness of lake superior, the forest of trees that turn so many varieties of colors that they would never fit in just one box of 64 crayons. Of course who can forget the late night beach fires just around the bend from this bridge burning driftwood that washed up on the lake superior shore and drinking alcohol stolen from our parents.

Living in lower Michigan in the fall is not the same as the U.P., but maybe thats ok. Sure, there are plenty of trees that turn, signaling fall, but it is handled differently down here. Fall in lower Michigan means football games, and tailgating. Picking a side, U of M, or MSU… but everyone always agrees to hate Ohio State. Tailgating is something of a ritual, everyone has their favorite spot to park and you must wear your favorite teams fan gear of course. Then their is the food, Chili, ribs, hot dogs and lots…. and I mean lots of beer… Lots of beer.

Fall in lower Michigan also means apple orchards, pumpkin patches and Octoberfest in Frankenmuth. If you are thinking, wait, isn’t Octoberfest more beer? Well yes, dont judge Karen. Beer, and wine too, are important in the fall in Michigan, even the zoo has beer nights. Walking around a zoo while drinking beer doesn’t sound that exciting, but dont knock it until you try it! As for the apple orchards and pumpkin patches, they are great for the kids, sure. That’s what we say anyway, “We are bringing the kids to the apple orchard”, but really heating up the apple cider and adding a little whiskey is one of the best ways to enjoy fall in Michigan, just dont give it to the kids you used as an excuse to get it. That would be wrong probably.

This time of the year people are also out and about riding bikes and raking leaves. Raking leaves and cleaning up your yard is a “thing” down here. It is announced like a right of passage to move forward into the cold winter. “I raked 10 bags of leaves yesterday!” “Really? Because I did 12 bags!”. My personal favorite, “Got to rake leaves so we can put the kids bikes away for the winter”…. wait, what? There is always that one house on the block that doesn’t ever, ever, rake their fallen leaves. Instead, they choose to simply let mother nature takes its course and hope for a good strong wind that will blow them into someone else’s yard… Ok, it me, we are that house. Sorry not sorry.

Maybe I will take a ride this afternoon to a scenic area with lots of leaves that are changing color to remind me about what it is like in the fall in the upper peninsula. Try to find a narrow road to drive down and watch the fallen leaves lift off the road a swirl around like the north wind is blowing them away to make room for snow. Or maybe I will call my sister in the U.P. and ask if there it has snowed there yet, and when she says “yes it has, but just a couple of inches.” I will laugh and think how great it is that the sun is shining as I sit on my porch with a beer, and think how nice it is the neighbors can still be outside raking leaves.

Write, right….

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So the new job is great. Its a challenge, but I like it. I like the people, I like the duties, I like the hours, and the money. Unfortunately, it has left me with little time to write, which is frustrating, and when I make time, the words just aren’t there.

Often, as the day is moving forward I come up with an idea and think that it would be great for this blog. Sometimes I forget the idea before I even get home from work, or sometimes when I get home the idea seems… well stupid. Sometimes I start writing and I just cant get into it. I’ve never had a hard time writing, and I certainly haven’t had a talking (I’ve been doing that since I was just a baby), the two things to me usually go hand in hand and I diffidently write like I talk and or talk like I write. While that may not be the ideal for some, its fine for me.

So what do you do when words elude you and you cannot write? I posed this question to my husband who said I should just “get over it” and write something. He is an engineer by the way and talks to people with a series or grunts or strange mathematical equations. A friend of mine thought I should light some candles, pour a class of wine, sit in my office and the words would magically come to me. Clearly I am not a classy as she thinks I am, with Fireball being my drink of choice and being braless the number one priority. Come on, nobody REALLY likes wearing a bra and you know it.

When I googled “how to beat writers block” I did get some suggestions. The first of which was “take a hike” … Really like I would walk anyplace much less do a hike…. whatever that is. Another suggestion was “Deny, deny, deny”. What the fuck is that? I deny deny deny whenever my husbands asks about the money I spent, that doesn’t help me write anything! One article suggested I wash dishes. Well that is a no, the end. One article, believe it or not, suggested I take a smoke break. Really? I dont even smoke, but the article said to take a cigarette, dont light it and then stand outside like your taking a smoke break. That just seems stupid, like pushing your car off a cliff because you dont want to get an oil change yet.

I think, or hope, that this phase I am in will pass. I enjoy writing, be it for this blog, in my journal or on a bathroom wall, so I will keep trying. Maybe when I feel comfortable at work and it doesn’t feel new anymore. Maybe because, at least hear in Michigan, fall is cold and wet with winter coming, the perfect time to stay home and write. Maybe this pandemic era will be over and we will return to someone normal with experiences I can write about. The last article I read said I should go to a book store and get expires. Are there even bookstores around anymore? I think I will take a nap. That seems like as good a way as any to get over writers block. Beats washing dishes.

Dream a little (weird) dream.

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I had the strangest dream last night…. but it was long and detailed. I woke up and my first thought was that I had dreamed the next big comedy and that I needed to get it down on paper before I forgot about it. As I am typing this, I still feel the need to write it down…

The dream started with me babysitting a child, maybe 6 or 7 years old. We were outside talking to other people but decided it was time to go inside and do home school work. We walked down a long stretch of grass half aware of the surroundings half not. The young boy got on his hands and knees and pretended to be a baby crawling and cooing. I urged him on going with his behaviors like it was a game. I dont remember how we got inside, but suddenly we were inside a house, I think, in the hall with non-descript rooms all around. The boy had a yellow tape measurer and he waved it around as a puppy chased it. He wanted a book and we walked to a large wooden cabinet that was old and full of clutter and dust.

Suddenly there were others around, young people who wanted me to open the cabinet for them to get beer and wine (now we are talking!). We couldn’t get the cabinet open and set on a quest to find the keys for the antique. I feel like at least one of the young people was a man, but I’m not sure who any of them are and could not see their faces or even much more that an outline of their bodies. The antique cabinet on the other hand was very detailed, large, wooden and had many (probably way too many) brass knobs on it. Across the top was a carved decoration that matched the legs at the bottom. But there was also a bright neon green smiley face painted on it…. Yea, I dont know what goes on in my mind either.

This is where it gets weird… weirder. Now, we are in a car. I think I was driving, but we were trying to get someplace and kept getting lost. It seemed like we kept driving down the same road over and over again until finally we stopped at a little building at a corner and went inside. Then suddenly I was sitting with some people by a pool, not the same people I was in the car with I dont think. I decided I wanted to put a swimsuit on and go for a swim. While I was in the changing room a man came in, diving and sliding across the floor shooting at me(yes with a gun), then he disappeared. I left the changing room and myself and the people by the pool decided to try and find the man.

The little building is now large and has lots of people in it and waiting in line for something. We walk through the building, but the floor is slippery and we put ice skates on. We get to the door and realize that one of us needs to say a specific sentence to open the door but every time we try to say it some of the people in line interrupt us by singing “Shoop” by Salt N Pepper. ” Here I go , Here I go, Here I go again, girls what’s my weakness?” Then someone made the comment that they could go for an iced coffee and that the coffee shop next door was open. When we walked next door their was a bright neon green smiley face painted on the door…… WTF.

No flip-flops ever!!!

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Ok, I’ll admit it…. I know its not a popular opinion (but I also dont care), I hate Flip-flops. Most women love them, kids love them, even some men love them, not me and here is why:

  1. Feet are ugly – And I really hate men in flip-flops. No man has cute feet and even fewer men take care of their feet. Women, even with their Pedi’s, still often dont have feet they should be showing off.
  2. Flip Flops are ugly and cheap – Cheap rubber, cheap plastic that do nothing to enhance your outfit or your ugly feet. Adding sequins doesn’t make them look expensive either. Grown ass people should buy grown ass shoes! You pay $4 for a coffee, but $2.99 for a pair of shoes? WTF is wrong with you….
  3. Michigan – One day can be 45 degrees, the next 75 degrees. Throwing on a pair of jeans, and a hoodie but continuing to wear flip flops just plain looks ridiculous. Frankly you look like a 2 year old that dressed herself.
  4. Cheap – Yes, I already mentioned cheap once, but they are doubly cheap! They are meant to be casual beach attire, not black tie attire. True, they wont hurt your feet like dress shoes often do, but you get your hair done, spend an hour on your make up, put on your expensive dress and jewelry all with the purpose of looking your best, then put on a pair of $2.99 disposable shoes? By the way, when you get your picture taken at this important event we all think, cute outfit, ruined by cheap shoes. That thought is made even worse because everyone else is wearing nice shoes, which makes you look like a child.
  5. Disposable – These things are most often made of rubber and/or plastic and a good chunk of them come from China. When your done with them they get thrown out where they sit in landfills or end up in the ocean for many, many years.
  6. Gross – Many times I’ve been in a restaurant and look over to see someone who has slipped their flops off, sitting on their barefoot leg with their hand on their foot…. how gross is this? Of course it is usually followed by the person using the same hand at some point during the rest of the meal passing someone the breadsticks or grabbing one for themselves.
  7. Unsafe – I have heard many “experts” say how unsafe they are and how bad they are for your physical self. I can’t comment on that because I dont wear them. I have seen people trip wearing them, or get one caught in an escalator. I saw a woman walk so fast (evidently) that one of the flip flops came half off her foot and she had to stumble around to get it back on… made me laugh by the way.
  8. Lazy – This one really needs no explanation. People wear flip flops because they are too lazy to tie, buckle or zip up real shoes. Flip flop wearers, you know this is true, its part of their appeal good or bad.

Disclaimer: I have one pair of flip flops. I wear them at the beach or out in the yard when I am picking up dog poop… just saying.

Gooooo Sports!

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I dated a hockey player in college, before I even met my husband. Damn, something about hockey players…….

Where was I, oh yeah, sports. As the years have gone on, my love of sports had dissipated for many reasons, the big one is that I am old and my jump shoot looks more like I tripped over a sidewalk crack.

Perhaps it is woven in men’s DNA, or maybe it is just a convenient excuse for a man to sit on his ass all weekend with a remote in one hand and a cold beer in another, but sports plays a huge part of my husbands life, especially football. Football is one of the few times he would get up early on a Saturday morning. He wears his favorite teams T-shirt, plants himself on the sofa, turns on the game and promptly falls asleep. This is how men watch football, evidently absorbing everything that goes on while they are sleeping in front of a TV is their super power. For me, my husband watching football, gave me the opportunity to go shopping or have drinks with my friends, maybe both. Don’t judge me.

The Covid quarantine has changed many things, one of which is sports. As time has moved on sports has slowly returned, but my no means are we back to normal. Basketball is back along with “the bubble”. For some reason I’m dont even know who is in the playoffs this year. Heat? Probably, Lakers? For sure. Anyone after that? No clue. Same with Hockey, although I dont even have a guess who is playing for the Stanley cup. It’s not the Redwings, that is for damn sure.

Finally, last night Football happened. I reminded my husband it was on, and he replied with a reserved, “oh yeah”, and for a moment I thought he no longer cared. As we watched TV an advertisement for the pre-show came on. “You dont want to watch that do you?” I asked him. He gave me a nope, and we moved on. As game time drew closer his demeanor changed. He put down his cell phone, stopping candy crush or whatever game he was playing. He moved from a chair to the recliner for seemingly no reason at all. Finally, a true sign football would soon be on TV, he cracked open a beer. I decided to mess with him for a moment, not changing the Chanel to the football game, but 3.5 seconds into the hour I was met with “Your going to put the game on aren’t you?”.

I watched the game, and I did enjoy it. Truth be told I dont mind watching a game or two of football. It is the eight games in a row and all the Chanel surfing that drives me crazy, again must be in a mans DNA. What it meant to me was normalcy and routine. Covid has changed or taken away many things from us. We all have been spending more time at home than ever before. Watching one football game gave me the sense that we were moving forward and that or lives were getting just a little bit closer to normal, even if it is slowly. Soon, my husband was snoring and watching the game at the same time. That was normal too, and I was OK with it.

The eye…brows have it.

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Ancient Egyptian women and men were the first to wear makeup, and they did it to appear more attractive. Heavy lined eyes were done as a homage to the god Horus. Because the desire was to have prominent eyes, the eyebrows were also darkened and elongated to help the eyes be a focal point on a face.

Today the beauty industry earns around 50 billion dollars a year. That is a lot of lip gloss! According to the Science of People website, women wear makeup for only two reasons(basically), to appear less noticeable or to appear more noticeable and most all of us wear it. The current trend (hopefully just a short fad) has women of all ages creating a strong eyebrow again just like ancient times, but in today’s age of excess the affect is just not the same. Add a covid mask and the desire to be more attractive becomes the stuff nightmares are made of, or at least pictures on Facebook under the real customers of Wal-mart click-bate entries.

Recently I went thru a fast food restaurant drive thru (dont judge me, actually go ahead I dont care) and a pleasant sounding young girls voice came over the speaker. I ordered my food and drove around to the first window to pay. I had planned to complement her on how nice she sounded, even over the speaker. We looked at each other at the same time, the only thing I saw at that moment however were her eyebrows. They were diffidently drawn on, and vary darkly drawn on. One end of the eyebrow came to a point as if it went through a pencil sharpener, and it extended past her eye as if the were pointing to her ears. The eyebrow arch was strong, as if she was surprised that person she had just talked to via the speaker has suddenly appeared by magic in front of her in person.

For a moment, the hangry me thought about saying something to her. She was young, with beautiful hair, probably already very pretty but it was hard to tell between the painted on eyebrows and a covid mask. Does she know how strange she looked? Did she think that her eyebrows looked natural? Or maybe they weren’t suppose to? I am probably old, do I even know what looks good anymore? Did the other people inline think the same thing? Or were they running through a drive thru because they were in a hurry and did not have time to think about some girls eyebrows.

I dont believe a woman should feel the need to make herself prettier, but I also understand that most of us, including me, do. We are judged not only by men, but by other women too, and the need to feel excepted is strong in us. In the end I said nothing to her, maybe in her mind it made her feel more confident, more like she fits in, and yes, feel prettier, I’m not sure there is anything wrong with that, is there? Ah, now I get why the beauty industry make so much money now, I guess I cannot argue with 50 billion dollars.

Happiness is… being happy!

This is my brother Steve (yes, he will be pissed I posted this), who lives in Northern Wisconsin at a resort he and his partner own in a quiet little town. He has lots of of friends, his customers love him, he is well known in the area and is involved in many community events. He always has this smile on his face, but that doesn’t mean he is still happy with everything in his life.

Happiness is not something that we are usually judged on. We look at people and define them by the job they have, the house they live in, and the things they own. If you have those things you must be happy right?

But what if as time goes on we change and learn what really makes us happy, (Being happy? What a concept!) by that time we are usually knee deep in… well life! We worry about what change will mean to other people, how it will affect the people that love us and the people we love. Change is also very inconvenient. It means changing our routine, doing things we have never done before, and changing your relationship with the people you know as well.

Shouldn’t being happy be the most important thing in your life? The old saying “You cant change everyone” is true, more than that however, you cant change anyone but yourself! Changing yourself to be happy is hard, but pleasing everyone is exhausting. What if people supported you, and cheered you on as you seek to be a happier (and better) person? I am willing to bet that most your friends will. Your new inner circle of friends will be of much greater quality, with less quantity, and that is OK.

Some of the people that you thought supported you disappear and make no effort to be seen again. Don’t we all have that friend (and sometimes multiple)that calls you to rant about what is happening to them, and never asks what is happening with you? They call you for help, but never help you. They do things that make you think “Why wasn’t I invited? I would have invited them.” These people may not be around when you try to be happy, and that is good even if it doesn’t seem like it right away. Do these people really make you happy? When your shoes, couch or car dont make you happy you either fix it or get a new ones right? It sounds so simple, if it doesn’t make you happy replace it with something that does…. dont you deserve it?

Whats wrong with us?

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A couple of months ago my friends and I decided to start a podcast. We had a couple, well several…. ok many drinks and as we sat around talking we thought that we were fucking hysterical! We consulted with each other that night and the overall conclusion was that yes… we were indeed fucking hysterical.

Let me tell you trying to find time for four women to get together for a couple of hours a week is no easy task. Kids had practices, Husbands worked, we worked, the weather was bad, the weather was to good, golf league, traffic sucks…. you get the idea. After several tries we each filled our coolers with the nights drink, and came to my house to record something, a practice, but something.

Even though we had created a loose script with topics etc., almost right away things got, well, inappropriate. With no men around the short jokes and shrinkage jokes were prevalent. We discussed anything from our first time to runways (wink wink). We had a couple more shots because why not? And then had a couple of hours more of discussions, some even got serious. It occurred to me at one point that even though I had known these women for 15 years, I didn’t really know them until that night.

Since the first practice recording we have had lots of obstacles, including the biggest, Covid, but we have been able to get together most every week. What we did not expect was how therapeutic this experience would be. Some weeks we dont even record anything, but we sit discuss and support each other when one of us needs it. Even on those nights we laugh, make lots of jokes and enjoy just hanging out together without our husband, kids, dogs and any other possible distractions. Its not unusual to have women support each other, but I think we all could do more of it. Our goal is to get our first podcast on our website in a couple weeks (drinkandbesalty.com), but while we started doing it because we thought we were funny and women would listen to us, we also hope that we can support women at the same time, even if it is with a shot of whiskey.

Hot flashes and frozen peas

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So for several years now I have been going through menopause…. there, I said it. I will tell you it isn’t fun or freeing, or thought provoking. Never once have I thought, Damn, I will never again be able to experience the joy of motherhood again, or gee, cant wait to be reminded that I’m a woman again this month. Instead I think, “I’m to old to have kids”, “just let me get past these symptoms”, and “think of the money I am going to save a month!”

Women dont talk about Menopause much. Sure, we make jokes about getting hot flashes and standing in a walk in freezer or about getting so hot you feel the need to strip off our cloths, even if in a mall, but mostly we handle the issue ourselves and suffer the symptoms ourselves and move on with life as if it is something we will get over soon enough.

So what then is the opposite of Menopause, what do men go though? The nearest I can think of is a vasectomy. Can we discuss how men handle vasectomies please? Recently at a friends birthday party where someone made a comment about a couple having three kids, the father announced that he would be having a vasectomy. Men at the party, and somehow most of the county we live in, hunched over in a pretend pain, moaned, and collectively grabbed their balls. They patted him on the back like he was making the ultimate sacrifice, one that no woman would ever do. That the sacrifice of no longer bringing babies into the world somehow save all of humanity from a plague or ultimate destruction. It was as if they lifted him up while the glory of the sun shone on him and other men offered him sacrificial bags of frozen peas in hopes of feeling worthy.

True, one is a natural event that happens in all women’s lives and the other is a( simple) medical procedure that men are usually dragged kicking and screaming too, but look at the basics. Women move through the process with little bitching (I’m not saying no bitching), and carry on taking care of her family, house, and lives. Men see the opportunity as a was to sit on their couch with frozen balls between their legs watching t.v. knowing that they are getting the sympathy of all their male friends who then bring him beer….. Men, suck it up, grab your balls and go mow the lawn for fuck sake.

What’s the over/under for the speed limit?

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I’m a fast driver by many peoples standards, I usually chalk it up to my ADHD, although that has never gotten me out of a speeding ticket. My general philosophy is that you drive faster than me your a dick head and if you drive slower than me your an asshole, its words I live by…. usually.

Recently I made a trip to northern Wisconsin via the upper peninsula of Michigan. When you cross the Mackinaw Bridge into northern Michigan you can feel the calm and stress disappear knowing your about to enter the most beautiful part of Michigan, the U.P. There is a darker side however, one people dont realize until they get there, across the bridge, and deep into single lane 55 mph territory. That is when you realize your going nowhere fast, because of… Old people. There I said it.

Once you go over the mighty mac, you will notice that the cars have all turned light gold or tan, and most are 4 door sedans kept immaculately clean and without scratches or dings from parking to close to other cars. I’m not sure how that can be, but assume it is because they all drive five miles under the speed limit. The correlational of the two seems lost but it is the only reason I can give to this strange occurrence to everyone driving so slow!

Cars driving 3 or 4 miles lower than the speed limit, a line of cars behind them waiting for the next passing zone, which seems miles away, and often is. Same for the motor homes and travel trailers. I cant understand what reasoning there would be to drive just a few miles under the speed limit and think to myself that if they can go 52 miles per hours surely they can go 55. Frustrated I look for a opening to pass the long line of cars deciding between passing the cars as soon as I can and waiting for a passing lane. As I pass the offending car I look over and see an elderly couple, barely able to see over the steering wheel, but smiling. They are calm, and happy, not a care in the world except getting to their destination, eventually. Perhaps I should slow down, and do the same, enjoy the ride, the scenery and the peace and quiet. No way I think, I’ll never get there if I do that.

An impossible decision?

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Today i went grocery shopping. I’ve done it a million times and probably will do it million more times over my life time. While it isn’t something I like to do, I really hate it in fact, its apart of life and so I do it. I’m not going to lie, if I can find a way to trick my husband into doing it I will, although he most often buys more stuff that is NOT on the grocery list than is on it.

Today when I came out of the grocery store it was pouring, like couldn’t see across the parking lot raining, like catching your boyfriend cheating on you so you sit and ugly cry pouring. I stood there for a couple of moments thinking it would lighten up a little, but it didn’t. While my husband may think me the wicked witch of the west, I’m not and so I will not melt if I get wet I thought. Taking a deep breath I pushed the cart forward and out of the door to my car. By the time I got to my car everything was wet, really wet. I popped the trunk and looked to my basket for what to put in the dry trunk first.

Do I grab the large pack of toilet paper I had purchased or do I grab my brand new coach purse that I got last week was my first thought? I cant decide what is worse, the fact that I am worried about a purse? or that I have to worry about something that I wipe my ass with. The world is so strange today. Things that we thought were important has been replaced with things that we never thought were important. We hear “the new normal” all the time, and I ignored it most of the time. But we now live in a world where toilet paper is one of the most important things a person can get. When I see toilet paper available to purchase i state in my head “yes!” like I have won the mother load.

Half an hour later I’m still thinking about that moment, not because I was concerned about ruining the toilet paper or the purse, but because HAD to think about what was more important. The “new norm” sucks. Being excited because I got the toilet paper in the car without it getting wet? Really that was something I worried about? What future changes will be coming? We dont know, but hope that things return back to pre-covid times. In the mean time I will try to not worry about toilet paper and start enjoying the time I spend with my family, enjoy the great outdoor more and count my blessings that my friends and family are all healthy. When this is all done maybe I wont be excited about buying a new purse, maybe I will be excited I can wipe my ass.

Dream a little dream…

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Disclaimer: I am probably not crazy!

But as long as I can remember I have had these very crazy dreams, and they are very detailed, I remember every bit of them, sometimes parts of the dream comes true and I experience deja vu. Another thing that happens is my dream continues into other dreams, nights or weeks later. When I was young I often wrote the dreams down so that later when events in my dream actually happened, I could pull out the book and prove to people I had dreamed it would happen. Really, that just made people question my sanity so I stopped.

Now I know that the more I am stressed about things the weirder my dreams get. About the time I started my new job, I started having dreams. The first dream seemed simple enough, I was shopping in a very high end area but could not find the shop I was looking for(a nightmare??). Suddenly, scrawled on a white wall in messy red writing was directions to get where I needed to go. When I got there it wasn’t a trendy store but a psychologists office. the psychologist however was not in his office, he was shopping. Did I mention I’m not crazy?

The second dream happened about a week ago, starting at the white wall with red writing. Again I was shopping (Perhaps I should take this literally and go shopping?) and searching for the high end shop. This time I had a couple “friends” with me, although I have no idea who they were. We travel through a maze of locations, some were scary but beautifully decorated. Think Saw movie meets Martha Stewart? Some parts of the maze were crowded with happy people having a party. (Perhaps I get to drink wine in the third part of the dream… fingers crossed).

When my husband experiences stress, he sits at our outdoor bar, with a beer and a cigar and gets some relaxation in. Women rarely take this time. Instead they fill their life dreams, and with tasks and chores. My mother used to say doing laundry relaxed her… perhaps that is where I get my crazy from. My mother-in-law gardens. Other women may workout, clean the house, go grocery shopping, redecorate the house…. you get the idea. How often do we actually sit down and do…. dare I say it…. Nothing? Perhaps that is why wine has been so popular with women lately. Wine forces you to sit so you dont spill that deep dark luscious vino. Wine forces you to take a deep breath, smelling the essence of the ingredients and undertones. Wine forces you to watch the relaxing swirl of goodness as it sits in a perfectly shaped stemmed glass that somehow has the ability to make you feel special when holding it. I love wine…. Wait, what were we talking about?

Pillow fight!!!

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Haven’t had much time to write lately, getting adjusted to working everyday again has kicked my ass regarding time management for sure. The job itself I am enjoying, working for a high end pillow manufacture company just a couple of miles from my house. It’s a growing company, which is exciting, and I am developing a new sales department and new customer service department before moving into one or the other to manage.

As with most manufacturing jobs I get the chance to get products for myself. I recently brought home two pillows and was excited to use them. I came home from work and showed them to the husband. He thought they were very cool and seemed glad I could bring them home. They were different from each other because I wanted to learn the product as well as use them and offered the husband first choice of pillow. He squeezed one, squeezed the other and said he didn’t care. It was late and I took the pillows as we headed to bed. I selected one and put it inside a pillow case, the other I gave to him. He placed it on top the dresser and got in bed. “Aren’t you going to use the new pillow?” I asked him. Naw, was his reply and I fell asleep not thinking anything of it.

The next day comes and goes and it is night again. I will admit we had a couple… several…. ok many drinks and both of us needed to go to bed knowing that our age and alcohol would not be a good mix waking up the next day. It really is hell to get old. Again I asked the husband if he was going to use the new pillow and again he said “naw”. In an alcoholic rage I hit him with the pillow(OK maybe rage is too strong a word). He laughed and rolled over to go to sleep. I thought to myself “Remember to fight with him tomorrow after breakfast. Am I the only one, that after many years of marriage, plans a convenient time to have a fight with the husband? Anyone?

The next morning as we settled into our favorite chairs with our after breakfast cups of coffee I went in for the kill! “So. Don’t you like the pillow? we can switch.” he told me it was fine, he just didn’t want to use it. I gave him that look… you women know the one, and asked him why. He said he just didn’t want to. I reminded him that the pillow he uses now is actually three old pillows that have flattened so much they all fit in the same pillow case. He replied Yep, I like them. Wha whaaa.

That was it for the great pillow fight of 2020. Anticlimactic? Yes, much like other things that happen in our bedroom (wink wink). Stupid ass fight? Also yes, but it reminded me of a couple …. or is it several… many things. 1. My husband is a stubborn crazy ass. 2. Sometimes old is better than new. 3. If your happy dont change for others. 4. You cant teach an old dog new trick s (but we still try!) and 5. If you want 2 new fluffy pillows for your side of the bed buy them and enjoy. The husband doesn’t care … or has some motive that you will find out about in a day or two that probably includes him golfing.

Hi ho, hi ho, off to work I go.

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Time for a job. So I applied for jobs…. well, 2 jobs, lets not rush into these things you know. I was excited for one job more than the other, but both jobs were blind ads so I didn’t know much about either. While I joked often about never going back to work, I new it was time. My husband, although very supportive, was also very happy I would be going back to work. Very Very happy.

I’m not sure why I didn’t tell anyone I had applied for a couple of jobs. A lot of people think that if you talk about it you will jinx your chances of getting the position. I’m not sure I think that, but why risk it? I quit my last job, and it was a really good job, so I felt pressure to find an equal or better job. I worked my ass off to get where I was, so I was going to get a better job than I had. Another part of my fear was that I would be rejected, time and time again, its not easy to get a lot of rejection as everyone knows.

What I thought was interesting when I talked about starting to look for a job was the reaction I got. One person would be very encouraging, and the next would be sympathetic (dont be surprised if you dont find a job for months). Some people even thought I should take any job, no mater the pay. Most interesting was the people who said things like “So your husband is finally making you get a job”, or “your husband will be happy”. I’m not going to lie, I wanted to bitch slap a lot of them! My husband supports anything I do, even if it was never going back to work. Every time I went out, my friends would asked if I “had a job yet” or “have you thought about doing (blank). I felt the pressure from everyone I knew to get a job, which increased the pressure I put on myself even more!

I ended up getting the first job I applied for and got it the same day as the interview so back to work I went, although without a summer tan. I will have time to get a tan when I get older. I told my friends I got a job. Suddenly all the advice, thoughts, and concern they had quickly vanished in one very anti-climatic “congrats”. There are many, many insecurities faced when someone looks for a job. Am I good enough for the position? Will how I look effect if they hire me? Will they like the suit I am wearing for the interview? Am I smart enough to do this position? The list goes on and on. What my friends and family were thinking should not have been one of the things I worried about. Getting a job was what I wanted to do and I got the job I wanted, and yes, my husband is happy, very very happy.

Covinterview

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So now that states are opening up, well Michigan at least, I decided it was time to start looking for work again. I want to thank my hubby for allowing me to take a year off before I went back to work again, and thank you covid for making it a years instead of 6 months! Part of me did think take July and august off! Enjoy the summer! I was ready to go back to work tho.

I had 2 interviews with 2 companies this week, one on Wednesday morning and one on Thursday morning. When I went to the Wednesday morning interview I walked into the building and a secretary came to greet me. She did not have a mask on Then I noticed that nobody had masks on, there were no hand sanitizer bottles, no shields, no Plexiglas partitions, nothing. When I met with the person I was going to interview with he did not have any covid protection either and he asked me if I wanted to shake hands, bump elbows, or do a pretend high 5. We went into a conference room and pushed some things over on the table that were left their from the previous meeting. Clearly no sanitizing between meetings. We walked around the factory, no protection, played with some of the products, etc. no covid protection what so ever, good thing I’m not a freaked out by all the germs. When I left I kind of felt like I needed a shower however.

The second interview was the following morning for a much bigger company. There were signs on the door that said I must wear a mask. There were little bottles or hand sanitizer and wipes everywhere. No shaking of hands, the person I interviewed with just motioned me into a room to sit. He gave me a company pen after wiping it down with a wipe first. When we walked around the building all the doors were open so you didnt have to touch them. After that interview and I got in my car I again kind of felt like I needed a shower.

The term “new norm” has been thrown around a lot. I am not sure that norm is wearing masks, and washing everything down. The new norm might be less visible than that. Maybe the new norm is adapting to whatever situation we find our selves in and what ever level of protection we want to then follow. Going to my favorite bar, I might not be as careful and when I go someplace much more crowded and with more people that I dont know. One thing I hope is that feeling of needing a shower every time we step out of our house stops. That is not normal at all.

Warning, graphic T’s ahead

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As I head toward yet another 39th birthday I cant help but look at the very important topic of… the cloths I wear. Shallow? probably, but I am caught between wearing the hottest trends (except black Northface jackets… way over done) and wearing age appropriate cloths. Nether of which are easy with big boobs I might add. My mother once told me I didn’t wear cloths that reflected my age, and gave me an outfit that was yellow and had bright red cherries on it. I have never worn that outfit and never will.

Facebook is littered with advertising’s for women’s t-shirts with funny and witty sayings about drinking wine out of a coffee cup, eating taco’s and having too many cats, and I want them all, the T’s not the cats! But at what age are these types of t-shirts off limits to you as an adult? At what point is it no longer funny for a grown woman to be wearing a shirt that says “Classy, sassy and a little bit smart assy?” What if I’m not feeling classy or sassy? I dont think I have ever not been smart assy, but all three at the same time seems like a lot of work.

I have many graphic t-shirts with funny sayings and wear them, but usually around my house or out with the girls. I dont feel too old to wear them, or maybe I just dont give a shit what other people think about what I wear, even my mother. When I am out in public I do look at women I come across wearing a graphic T. Most often I chuckle to myself because I find it funny and dont even think about whether the person wearing it is old or young. I have a girlfriend who bar tends and she wears a t-shirt with some funny saying on it often when she works, and her patrons love them! I’ll probably continue to wear graphic T’s, with a v-neck to show off the girls, because I want to. Never ever with a black puffy Northface jacket…. or uggs, because I am a grown woman and I will wear what I want..

To bra… or not to bra

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When I heard we were coming to the end of the Covid-19 pandemic, quarantine, whatever you want to call it, I was as happy as everyone else was I’m sure. I have enjoyed my time with my family, enjoyed catching up on housework, enjoyed getting time to do some of my favorite hobbies, and enjoyed not wearing a bra everyday, but I also will be more than happy to go back to work, eat in a restaurant, go shopping, and visit my family and friends again.

Wait…. that not wearing a bra thing, do I have to do that now? As a woman who is well endowed, (yes they are real, they are fabulous) putting on a bra was right up there with breathing. I put it on every morning and took it off only when I was sure I was home and not have anymore visitors, now that all ends?

Wearing a bra is hot and restricting, plus if its too loose the straps slide off your shoulder making you lopsided and looking like one melon has softened while the other stayed ripe and firm. To tight and cups spilith over like a freshly baked cupcakes. If the straps show you look like a hooker. If you wear one too padded you have cleavage for days, but one to thin and you look cold all day long.

As I sheltered in place it was fabulous to not have to wear a bra at all. My everyday clothing item has been pushed to the back of the dresser to give way to comfy camisoles and tank tops. It was freeing! On days I left the house I put a bra on, but as soon as I came home it came off and was discarded faster than the men on The Bachelorette. I walked the dog without a bra on. Drank wine without a bra on. Cleaned without a bra on…. All this is going to end next week when we get back to normal. There will be a morning period for sure. Women from all over will have to find their bra’s and put them on. Then find their big girl panties and deal with it I guess. So If we are back to being bitchy again know its not us, its our tit’s being suffocated and they know what freedom feels like now.

I thought we were doing better…

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As a white woman from the suburbs I cannot pretend to understand everything going on with the world, but I thought we were doing better! I knew we still had a long way to go, but I thought we were progressing forward, that any step forward, no matter how small, was better than standing in place.

I remember when my children were young and we moved to a new neighborhood. One of my kids came running into the house as I was unpacking, with a boy his age. “Mom, Mom, this is Adam, my new friend. Doesn’t he remind you of Michael?” I looked at Adam, very blonde, very blue eyed and thought of Michael, African American. “Yes he does!” I said, then said to have fun playing. As i watched the two play together it was true, the two friends were very similar in the way they talked, their mannerisms, and both wore their baseball hats backwards on their heads. As the conversation progressed I realized it was the same conversation I had heard my son and Michael have many many times during sleep overs. That was the first time that I thought my generation was doing a better job. My sons didn’t see color, they saw whats inside, a human just like them. I did good right?

The recent events have made me take a look at myself. Sure, ok, I think my kids are excepting of everyone, but what are we really all doing to make the world a better place? Clearly it is not as easy as just raising kids that love everyone. As a society we need to do more, a lot more. Perhaps I have been naive in thinking that a white mom from the suburbs did my share, that I raised me kids correctly and so I have done enough. It isn’t that simple. I dont know what needs to be done, perhaps more discussing, training, education, and anything and everything we can do. Hopefully I will figure out how I can do more. Hopefully others will figure out that they need to do more too. Because what we have been doing is clearly not enough, and it been going on to long.

Stupid social media

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I live in a small town of 8000 people or so, typical small town America. We have a really nice lake in our town and there is two block section with restaurants, craft shops, and a small boutique, etc. A new shop moved in and is the last shop on the end of the retail blocks. It appears that this establishment wanted to make it easier for their customers to get to their location so a gentleman placed signs all the way up the block in front of parking spots designation them as parking spots for their business only. Of course this made the other stores, upset.

One person removed the signs that were in front of their location, leaving the remaining signs. As this was happening the new business had a person replacing them. At one point one person putting the signs back, and the person removing them actually bumped into each other. The older business had a security guard (unarmed and African American) because they had been robbed a few months earlier, just watching and did not talk to anyone.

The event was captured by cell phone, and placed on social media. I read the comments which is where my frustration began. I opened the video and began reading , most comments showed concern and upset that it could happen in their small community and were equally glad that the police handled it. However, someone posted that the the security guard “pulled a gun on the crowd”. Most people quickly corrected the person and stated they were also at the location and their was no gun anywhere to be seen and the “crowd” was about 5 people.

A couple of hours later the video showed up on my social media again, this time the person that person that made the statements regarding a gun had “shared” on his page and a good chunk of the comments were regarding it being a race issue and a gun issue, that post was also shared to other peoples pages.

There is so much misinformation on social media these days, and honestly news media also. That upsets me and I wish it could somehow be controlled. But what upsets me the most is the people that believe everything being posted on social media without check the facts. Social media has been around many, many years now and yet people STILL have not figured out that you cannot believe what you read? Shouldn’t we be smarter as a society by now? All I am asking for people that use social media is do their do diligence when they are reading posts. If it is on social media and you cant find anything about it in the news it probably didn’t happen! The easiest thing to do would be for people to read it (if you must) then move on without commenting, is that so hard?

It happened anyway!

When I got married and had kids I knew I didn’t want to be THAT parent. The one yelling about everything and constantly complaining about having to “Pick up after you kids”. The one where my kids were afraid to do anything for fear of making a mess, so they just sit on the couch watching TV and doing nothing.

With this pandemic I have been vigorously cleaning the house, not just of the mess, but of the “clean mess” that we all accumulate after years and years. Room by room, going through and tossing out almost everything, and for whats left finding it’s correct place. I have to admit is feels good to have a clean home and it is nice to walk into a room and not have to step around or over anything rationalizing that its a “clean mess”.

Today, after a quick cleaning of my kitchen after breakfast, I sat down to enjoy a cup of coffee. It seemed, if only for a moment, calm. When finished I got up to bring the cup into the kitchen, and then it happened… I turned into my mom! Perhaps I’m tired of all this shelter in place stuff, or perhaps it is something that physically happens as you reach middle age, I became my mom. One glass, one clean glass, left on the counter, is all it took to remind myself that I had become the one thing I didn’t want to become. I wanted to yell “Who did this!”, “why did you put this there!” I didn’t because that would mean I had become my parents, and I thought I was’t that kind of parent.

Ladies, at what age did you discover you were like your mother? or father? Is it that I fought it for so long that I let my guard down and it snuck up on me like the fat did on my ass? Can you stop it from happening? I had a good life growing up, dont get me wrong….. But seriously am I going to start wearing an apron and carrying around a duster? While I ponder this I’m going to have a glass of wine (or bottle) and look for someone to yell “Don’t make me get up!” too.

How quick we forget

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I went to the grocery store today, big deal right? On the way home I noticed traffic was unusually heavy considering the Shelter in Place order from the state of Michigan. As I drove home, and passed the boat launch I noticed that a good chunk of the traffic was people heading out onto the water with family and friends.

I stopped at a liquor store (dont judge!), and it was crowded with people buying beer, wine others items for a day on the lake or picnics. I myself only bought one bottle of Rumhaven…. so good! The gas station had a line of people getting gas for their boats, quads, and lawnmowers.

Thinking about the groceries I just purchased, over $100 worth, I realized how quickly we forget about things and move on with our lives as a society. I just bought groceries 2 days ago (and spent more that $100 then too). We have been going to the grocery store every 2 weeks only, buying only 2 cartons of eggs, meat, and toilet paper and making what we buy last easily for 2 weeks not wasting anything we buy, purchasing only necessities and even using coupons. Yet, a few days after the Governor relaxing restrictions only slightly we have all forgotten the valuable time we spent with our families and the money we saved by staying at home and the items we didn’t buy and got along just fine.

Businesses, restaurants, and salons are all still closed, yet with one slight change to the rules we all have moved well passed them in order to get back to what we think we want: to spend what we want, when we want, and to do what we want, with who we want. Corona be damned!

Just Breathe

This morning as I was taking a shower I got a tight feeling in my chest, not pain, just like someone was giving me a big bear hug. Very quickly I noticed that the issue was that I was holding my breath. As I took some quick breaths the feeling was not going away.

All I was doing was taking a nice hot shower. Should be relaxing right? Reality is I was thinking about all the things that needed attention! Finding a job, contributing to the household, getting the house repainted, landscaping, what was for dinner, the dog, the kids, my husband, it’s my mother-in-laws birthday, the corona virus, bills, taxes……. ahhhh! Somehow I managed to get more stressed in the shower and thought about it so much I about gave myself an anxiety attack. I asked my husband what he thinks about in the shower. He looked at me puzzled and said “showering”…

Ladies, why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to get stuff done as quick as possible and be perfect? I think it is woven in to our DNA to be caretakers and make sure our family has everything they need, But who really cares? My kids are to busy doing kids stuff, my husband doesn’t care and the dog couldn’t care less. That leaves me as the only person to want to make things “perfect”, and it is almost an impossible task.

I still fall into the “perfect” trap, like this morning, but I have learned to chill about things. I’m not saying to sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day, but if you delay vacuuming and dusting for one or two days the world will not end, and your husband wont notice a thing. If you sit on the deck for 15 minutes with a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, or take a hot relaxing bath instead of a shower, the household will not collapse. I promise! Give yourself a break, you deserve it! And I bet you will be a better mom when you need to be, and be around a lot longer too!

D is for dog and divorce

Perhaps because I think all my ideas are fabulous, or perhaps because I really wished for someone or something to take care of, I told my husband I was going to get a puppy. My husband was very against it and said no. Nothing makes me want to do something more than when someone says I cant. I told him simply “yes”, and said that he could not tell me what to do.

We had one of those 5 year old no you cant, yes I can fights which ended with him saying that if I got a dog he would divorce me. My first thought was “well shit”, but then I thought that if my husband would divorce me after 32+ years than we BOTH have been doing something wrong. I will admit that I did delay getting a puppy because of the statement tho.

One day I texted my husband I was going to an open pet adoption event, then ignored my phone for the rest of the day so I didn’t have to talk to him. Clearly i’m a chicken shit. I got a sweet little rescue dog that, I was told, was not taken care of well and found his way to the dog rescue at about 4 months old.

My husband was pissed and did not talk to me more than one word answers for a couple of weeks. To tell the truth I kind of thought it was nice! It was quiet, I could do what I wanted, it wasn’t a bad gig after the first week or to and it was clear he wasn’t going to divorce me. In the end hubby came around and things settled back to normal and he likes the dog. I’m glad I got the dog and stayed married, but if I learned anything from this it is that the communication between my husband and I sucks!! But it works for us… eventually.

You cant teach an old dog.

I had a little girls time last weekend. Wasn’t that long, left Friday morning and came back Sunday night. Monday morning when I woke up I noticed that there was a pot on the oven that had obviously been there for a few days. Not thinking anything of it I picked it up, put it in the sink, and filled it with water to soak.

I left the room and when I came back the dirty pot was emptied of water and sitting on the counter next to the sink. Letting out a sigh i filled the pot with water again, this time adding some dish soap, and placed it in the sink. shortly after my husband walked into the kitchen, emptied the pot, placed it on the counter and left. Well, now I’m pissed. “Why did you do that!” I stated loudly. My husband gave me a (fake) puzzled look and said “What did I do?” I stated that I filled the pot with water so whatever was left in it for 3 day would loosen, and placed it in the sink because I did not want it on the clean counter.

This is what we do now evidently, I do something, and he comes behind me and does it differently. Thing is, I didn’t do the same to him… until just recently. I want him to know what it feels like, so he hung a towel on the oven door, i pulled it off. And later in the day when he again hung the towel on the over door, I again pulled it off. But he has not said a thing!

Game on. Either he really didn’t notice that I put the towel away, OR (and more likely) he is messing with me by not making a big deal about it like I did, that way he can be the better person. But now that I know that he knows about this game, I cant let him be the better of the two of us. Now I am going to have to do something that will annoy him more that he annoyed me, and make sure he knows I did it. This, my friends is the secret of 32+ years of marriage.

Working from home is a new thing?

So I have been married for a long, long time, and I love my husband very much. Let me just start with that statement.

A couple of days ago he got out of his make shift office in the dinning room and met me in the Kitchen. He told me that it looked like he would probably be working from from home into the foreseeable future hopefully until he retires in October 2021. I truly was excited for him. I suggested we get a desk and a good office chair and make him an office in the spare bedroom, or the den. He told me he would think about it and let me know, but he really didn’t care.

About an hour later I started to think about the situation more. You know us women, we always over think things, are we doing enough, are we earning enough, are we cleaning enough, are we wifeing enough (Is wifeing even a word?). If he is home, will he think I dont do enough around the house? Should I make better meals? vacuum more? dust more? Suddenly I felt very inadequate, I felt like everything I did or didn’t do he would judge me for. The thought of sleeping in to 8 o’clock even freaked me out, since he would be working then. I felt like I would have to do everything that I normally do around his schedule. Suddenly I wasn’t so happy about my husband working from home.

I thought if I made him a nice office area, he would be appreciative and forget all the other things I was freaking out about, so I again asked him if he decided on an office. He stated he hadn’t and didn’t care where he sat. I got mad, I thought he should have a nice area and I didn’t understand why he didn’t care, and so we argued. Turns out he really did not care, I was putting pressure on myself to take care of it because I didn’t want to feel guilty about what I would be doing or not doing around the house. Seems strange I know, but isn’t that what women do?, Try to please people even at our own expense?

I still care about what happens while my husband is working from home, but I dont care if he has an office, I dont care what he thinks about me sleeping to eight every morning. As a woman it is hard to do, but I will try not to care so much unless asked too. Of course I will help my husband work from home if he asks for it. But I have learned over the years of being married is that my husband will speak up if he isn’t happy, and then we can discuss it. I forgot that for a moment.

Women put pressure on themselves to help and take care of people when those people dont want or need it. I think most women do the same thing, but I’m learning. It doesn’t mean I dont care, it just means I wont care if others dont care.

A weekend pt. 2

20200516_145325I went to a cabin with these women this weekend, that was the only plan we had! I’m not really the outdoors type, and my body is even less than the outdoors type, but I was willing.   We drank, we laughed, we ate, we rode outdoor vehicles and we explored nature.  The weekend was more than that however.  While we may have been laughing, or drunk (or both), we also supported each other, cried with each other, gave advise to one another and learned from one another.

Every once in a while, when the moment is perfect and the people your with are perfect a very special time occurs, please treasure that time.  At one point we got a vehicle stuck (and I mean stuck) in the mud.  It took us an hour, someone getting cut on her ear, a little swearing and one mud fight to get the vehicle out and on its way back to the cabin, but we did it.   It seemed that 90% of the time we laughed, and teased each other while doing it, or maybe we all just used the alcohol we drank after to forget the bad part, but it was something we all will remember for a while.  I’m guessing we will not only remember that time forever, but we will probably laugh and tease everyone each time we get together in the future. Isn’t that what friendship is about?

A weekend so nice, I blog’d it twice-pt 1

20200515_150621I’m sure a lot of people can relate to the fact that the current shelter in place/covid19 issues have me feeling some sort of way.   One can only Facebook and watch Tic Tok videos for so many hours every day! I dont even want to talk about the bread I’ve made, which means eaten too.

I really thought that I would soon smash my husband in the face if we were home together one more day… I’m sure that feeling was mutual, so when I got the opportunity to go up north to a friends cabin I jumped at the chance.  A couple of us girls headed up on Friday and had a few drinks to “catch up” of course.   The weekend was wonderfully relaxing and I’ve never laughed so hard all day long in my life.  These girls truly healed my mood and then some!

As is common, with most women, I began to feel guilty.  I left my home and family for a whopping 3 day and yet I felt like I had abandoned them completely.  Why do women feel so bad when they take some time for themselves?  In our brain, we feel like we need to be the woman in the heels and apron taking care of everyone and everything with a smile on our face.  I came home, kissed everyone hello and then started doing laundry, sounds like something many woman would do.  I told me husband that perhaps he could come up with me sometime soon.  He made a terrible face and got up to get a refill on his pizza. “So that’s a no thank you I guess.” I stated, and realized that I have no reason what so ever to feel guilty.  Ladies, dont be afraid to do something good for yourself, chances are the only one having issues with it is you!

They’re only young once…

Parents today put their kids in all kinds of extra activities. My husband and I were no exception, except my child was, and still is not, really a group kind of kid… thank goodness? I mean darn. We did supported him when he wanted to join boy scouts as a webalo…. or something like that. And for me, well I was very excited that my husband had to be the one to go to all the meetings.

The very first day he had to wear his cute little uniform to school I took pictures of the cute little 1st grader in his cute little uniform. If Facebook was around I totally would have posted the pic. He came home when school was over, walked into the house and announced that he was done with boy scouts. Why? I asked. He looked me dead on the eye and told me, at age 6, that he could not live with those kind of rules.

The following year he joined hockey. Very early practices, very cold early practices, and many of them! Lots of checks written. Still, we all enjoyed it very much, a good group of parents, a good group of kids… And man can hockey parents drink!

As much of a pain in the ass it was then, I truly miss it now. The cold, the cost, the concusions, all of it. Parents, don’t put your kids in so many activities that your “time

together” ends up being you in the stands when your kids are on the field practicing… News flash! That isn’t spending time together. Activities for kids are a great thing, if it’s done correctly by the parents and the kids are having fun.  Btw, my son is in his twenties and still plays hockey, and we wish we could go watch.

An eggplant means what?

Do you gram?Do you Gram?

Twenty plus years ago the company my husband works for gave all its employees a computer.  He received a monitor, keyboard and a tower.  We set it up, turned it on and sent emails to our friends and family.  We thought we were the shit!  Some time around there I also got my first cell phone.  It was big, but came in a bag that I could carry with me…  Best thing ever!!

Somewhere along the line, the smaller the computers got the more stupid I became!  Technology is progressing so fast today it feels like it is leaving those of us that are middle aged or older behind!   Insta, the gram,  Tik Tok,  snap,  is the norm for the younger generations while I am left wondering what the fuck it is and how to use it.  I really thought that “Netflix and chill” was just watch a movie on the couch with my family.   Imagine my child’s face when I told his friends that his dad and I were going to go home to “Netflix and chill”.    I dont even what to talk about the time I sent my boss an eggplant emoji stating I was bringing a big hot pan of eggplant Parmesan to the pot luck!

So now I stick to old peoples technology.  Facebook, which my kids say  40+ year old drinking moms use to stalk people in their neighborhood or to set up wine drinking parties.  Texting,  which has been replaced by snap chat.  BTW, no way I am taking that many pictures of myself with no bra and a double chin. and YES!  I still email!

I figure I made it this long not knowing what a plugin is (or how to install one for that matter)  I will survive doing what i’m doing as long as I can ask a millennial for help when I need it, after they rolls their eyes at me of course.  And if I text someone that I’m enjoying a rum & cum (damn you auto correct), that is OK, people know I’m to old to deal anyway.

 

 

Be gentle, it’s my first time.

I stopped working a few months before all the pandemic stuff came down. But many months before that I decided to start a podcast and eventually a blog. The process has not been as quick and easy as all the “How to start a podcast” sites say!

Do I have something people will want to listen to? Can I be informative and engaging weekly? Can I make money? How long will it take? Do I keep looking for work, even during the Shelter in place? What if I get a job, will I have time to continue working on the podcast?

All the insecurities of being woman, wife, mom, began to creep in. One minute I think to myself, I can do this and the next I’m thinking what if I fail? Is my husband going to support me in this venture? Is it fair that he is now the sole bread winner? What will the rest of my family think? What if my family needs me? How will I get my subject matter? What if nobody wants to listen to me? Really the questions go on and on.

So here is my first blog. It isnt’ funny, it isn’t informative, it’s not going to change the world, but I needed to move forward in this process. My partners and I are moving forward with the podcast and hope to have the first episode in a week or so, we are working hard on it, but this blog will be for me, and I hope you all think I have something to say. Thank you,