So I have been married for a long, long time, and I love my husband very much. Let me just start with that statement.
A couple of days ago he got out of his make shift office in the dinning room and met me in the Kitchen. He told me that it looked like he would probably be working from from home into the foreseeable future hopefully until he retires in October 2021. I truly was excited for him. I suggested we get a desk and a good office chair and make him an office in the spare bedroom, or the den. He told me he would think about it and let me know, but he really didn’t care.
About an hour later I started to think about the situation more. You know us women, we always over think things, are we doing enough, are we earning enough, are we cleaning enough, are we wifeing enough (Is wifeing even a word?). If he is home, will he think I dont do enough around the house? Should I make better meals? vacuum more? dust more? Suddenly I felt very inadequate, I felt like everything I did or didn’t do he would judge me for. The thought of sleeping in to 8 o’clock even freaked me out, since he would be working then. I felt like I would have to do everything that I normally do around his schedule. Suddenly I wasn’t so happy about my husband working from home.
I thought if I made him a nice office area, he would be appreciative and forget all the other things I was freaking out about, so I again asked him if he decided on an office. He stated he hadn’t and didn’t care where he sat. I got mad, I thought he should have a nice area and I didn’t understand why he didn’t care, and so we argued. Turns out he really did not care, I was putting pressure on myself to take care of it because I didn’t want to feel guilty about what I would be doing or not doing around the house. Seems strange I know, but isn’t that what women do?, Try to please people even at our own expense?
I still care about what happens while my husband is working from home, but I dont care if he has an office, I dont care what he thinks about me sleeping to eight every morning. As a woman it is hard to do, but I will try not to care so much unless asked too. Of course I will help my husband work from home if he asks for it. But I have learned over the years of being married is that my husband will speak up if he isn’t happy, and then we can discuss it. I forgot that for a moment.
Women put pressure on themselves to help and take care of people when those people dont want or need it. I think most women do the same thing, but I’m learning. It doesn’t mean I dont care, it just means I wont care if others dont care.