A football widow.

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I’m just going to say this…. I dont mind watching football. I’m actually kind of a tom-boy and I dont mind watching most sports on TV…. I recently found a channel that broadcast the word Cornhole championship and we watched it for several hours, although I may have spent most of that time thinking of inappropriate jokes because one of the sponsors for the Cornhole Championship was Johnsonville bratwursts, and my husband kept yelling “put it in the hole”. (insert your wiener joke here, hopefully its a big one!).

Anyway, this weeks sport of choice for my husband was football. We watched a lot of it! For one of the games I stated that I had never heard of either team and my husband stated that it was ok, because he hadn’t either. Several times I asked him which team he wanted to win, most times he would reply that it doesn’t matter. Men really do this? Watch game after game not knowing anyone or anything about the teams, just happy to watch the game, to see two teams physically and mentally dual each other for supremacy and ultimately for the chance to say “We won.” For my husband its more than that of course, he also has the perfect excuse to sit on his ass for many hours, and perhaps be lucky enough to take a nap without his wife trying to grab the remote between snores and change the channel.

After the second or third game I usually decide I need to get somethings done around the house. I take down and pack away the Christmas tree, unload and reload the dishwasher, do several loads of laundry and/or vacuum the downstairs. This past weekend I asked my husband to lift his feet up so I could vacuum under them. He actually grunted…. Ladies does your significant other ever grunt? What does that even mean? One grunt is yes? Two is no? I’ve never asked him, and never understood. For me, if I grunt its because I am thinking about stabbing you in your thigh with a fork because you fell asleep watching football and now I have to clean the blood up even thought it would clearly be your blood!! I personally would rather moan, but that would never happen during football either! (insert another wiener joke here). Sorry, where was I?

Why is it OK for men to watch football all day anyway? Who died and left them permission to use football games as an excuse to do what they want, and by what they want I mean do nothing at all. And does it have to be every weekend? And both Saturday and Sunday? Here in Detroit we have the hapless Detroit Lions to watch on Sundays. Every week they get their ass kicked, every week someone says ” Boy that Stafford sure is tough”, and finally every week someone says, ” this coach sucks he needs to be fired”. Week after week it happens, nothing really changes, the husband watches the Lions lose. Sometimes he falls asleep, sometimes he yells, sometimes his father also comes over, who also sometimes falls asleep and sometimes yells. It’s really the same week after week, and it seems to never stop.

Sometimes I get to annoy the husband like when the South Carolina Game Cocks are on and I get to yell things like “Go deep!”, “Cocks are up!” and my personal favorite “Cock are on top!” Sometimes I get to tease him because his team got their ass kicked, or he starts calling penalties just before the ref’s do. Sometimes I get interested in the game as much as him. If a Michigan team is playing or it a close game in score I turn into a football fan too, of course I would never admit to enjoying watching as much as I sometimes do. Still, football is for men, or at least my husband, and I let him watch it. I like it, women do like it, but women are capable of doing two things at once so we watch it and do the laundry or clean the house. Men just watch football, right or wrong, snoring or not snoring. BTW… my husband just turned the news off and turned the tv to a football game. Washington 17 Philly 14 in the 3rd.

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