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Stupid social media

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I live in a small town of 8000 people or so, typical small town America. We have a really nice lake in our town and there is two block section with restaurants, craft shops, and a small boutique, etc. A new shop moved in and is the last shop on the end of the retail blocks. It appears that this establishment wanted to make it easier for their customers to get to their location so a gentleman placed signs all the way up the block in front of parking spots designation them as parking spots for their business only. Of course this made the other stores, upset.

One person removed the signs that were in front of their location, leaving the remaining signs. As this was happening the new business had a person replacing them. At one point one person putting the signs back, and the person removing them actually bumped into each other. The older business had a security guard (unarmed and African American) because they had been robbed a few months earlier, just watching and did not talk to anyone.

The event was captured by cell phone, and placed on social media. I read the comments which is where my frustration began. I opened the video and began reading , most comments showed concern and upset that it could happen in their small community and were equally glad that the police handled it. However, someone posted that the the security guard “pulled a gun on the crowd”. Most people quickly corrected the person and stated they were also at the location and their was no gun anywhere to be seen and the “crowd” was about 5 people.

A couple of hours later the video showed up on my social media again, this time the person that person that made the statements regarding a gun had “shared” on his page and a good chunk of the comments were regarding it being a race issue and a gun issue, that post was also shared to other peoples pages.

There is so much misinformation on social media these days, and honestly news media also. That upsets me and I wish it could somehow be controlled. But what upsets me the most is the people that believe everything being posted on social media without check the facts. Social media has been around many, many years now and yet people STILL have not figured out that you cannot believe what you read? Shouldn’t we be smarter as a society by now? All I am asking for people that use social media is do their do diligence when they are reading posts. If it is on social media and you cant find anything about it in the news it probably didn’t happen! The easiest thing to do would be for people to read it (if you must) then move on without commenting, is that so hard?

It happened anyway!

When I got married and had kids I knew I didn’t want to be THAT parent. The one yelling about everything and constantly complaining about having to “Pick up after you kids”. The one where my kids were afraid to do anything for fear of making a mess, so they just sit on the couch watching TV and doing nothing.

With this pandemic I have been vigorously cleaning the house, not just of the mess, but of the “clean mess” that we all accumulate after years and years. Room by room, going through and tossing out almost everything, and for whats left finding it’s correct place. I have to admit is feels good to have a clean home and it is nice to walk into a room and not have to step around or over anything rationalizing that its a “clean mess”.

Today, after a quick cleaning of my kitchen after breakfast, I sat down to enjoy a cup of coffee. It seemed, if only for a moment, calm. When finished I got up to bring the cup into the kitchen, and then it happened… I turned into my mom! Perhaps I’m tired of all this shelter in place stuff, or perhaps it is something that physically happens as you reach middle age, I became my mom. One glass, one clean glass, left on the counter, is all it took to remind myself that I had become the one thing I didn’t want to become. I wanted to yell “Who did this!”, “why did you put this there!” I didn’t because that would mean I had become my parents, and I thought I was’t that kind of parent.

Ladies, at what age did you discover you were like your mother? or father? Is it that I fought it for so long that I let my guard down and it snuck up on me like the fat did on my ass? Can you stop it from happening? I had a good life growing up, dont get me wrong….. But seriously am I going to start wearing an apron and carrying around a duster? While I ponder this I’m going to have a glass of wine (or bottle) and look for someone to yell “Don’t make me get up!” too.

How quick we forget

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I went to the grocery store today, big deal right? On the way home I noticed traffic was unusually heavy considering the Shelter in Place order from the state of Michigan. As I drove home, and passed the boat launch I noticed that a good chunk of the traffic was people heading out onto the water with family and friends.

I stopped at a liquor store (dont judge!), and it was crowded with people buying beer, wine others items for a day on the lake or picnics. I myself only bought one bottle of Rumhaven…. so good! The gas station had a line of people getting gas for their boats, quads, and lawnmowers.

Thinking about the groceries I just purchased, over $100 worth, I realized how quickly we forget about things and move on with our lives as a society. I just bought groceries 2 days ago (and spent more that $100 then too). We have been going to the grocery store every 2 weeks only, buying only 2 cartons of eggs, meat, and toilet paper and making what we buy last easily for 2 weeks not wasting anything we buy, purchasing only necessities and even using coupons. Yet, a few days after the Governor relaxing restrictions only slightly we have all forgotten the valuable time we spent with our families and the money we saved by staying at home and the items we didn’t buy and got along just fine.

Businesses, restaurants, and salons are all still closed, yet with one slight change to the rules we all have moved well passed them in order to get back to what we think we want: to spend what we want, when we want, and to do what we want, with who we want. Corona be damned!

Just Breathe

This morning as I was taking a shower I got a tight feeling in my chest, not pain, just like someone was giving me a big bear hug. Very quickly I noticed that the issue was that I was holding my breath. As I took some quick breaths the feeling was not going away.

All I was doing was taking a nice hot shower. Should be relaxing right? Reality is I was thinking about all the things that needed attention! Finding a job, contributing to the household, getting the house repainted, landscaping, what was for dinner, the dog, the kids, my husband, it’s my mother-in-laws birthday, the corona virus, bills, taxes……. ahhhh! Somehow I managed to get more stressed in the shower and thought about it so much I about gave myself an anxiety attack. I asked my husband what he thinks about in the shower. He looked at me puzzled and said “showering”…

Ladies, why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to get stuff done as quick as possible and be perfect? I think it is woven in to our DNA to be caretakers and make sure our family has everything they need, But who really cares? My kids are to busy doing kids stuff, my husband doesn’t care and the dog couldn’t care less. That leaves me as the only person to want to make things “perfect”, and it is almost an impossible task.

I still fall into the “perfect” trap, like this morning, but I have learned to chill about things. I’m not saying to sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day, but if you delay vacuuming and dusting for one or two days the world will not end, and your husband wont notice a thing. If you sit on the deck for 15 minutes with a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, or take a hot relaxing bath instead of a shower, the household will not collapse. I promise! Give yourself a break, you deserve it! And I bet you will be a better mom when you need to be, and be around a lot longer too!

D is for dog and divorce

Perhaps because I think all my ideas are fabulous, or perhaps because I really wished for someone or something to take care of, I told my husband I was going to get a puppy. My husband was very against it and said no. Nothing makes me want to do something more than when someone says I cant. I told him simply “yes”, and said that he could not tell me what to do.

We had one of those 5 year old no you cant, yes I can fights which ended with him saying that if I got a dog he would divorce me. My first thought was “well shit”, but then I thought that if my husband would divorce me after 32+ years than we BOTH have been doing something wrong. I will admit that I did delay getting a puppy because of the statement tho.

One day I texted my husband I was going to an open pet adoption event, then ignored my phone for the rest of the day so I didn’t have to talk to him. Clearly i’m a chicken shit. I got a sweet little rescue dog that, I was told, was not taken care of well and found his way to the dog rescue at about 4 months old.

My husband was pissed and did not talk to me more than one word answers for a couple of weeks. To tell the truth I kind of thought it was nice! It was quiet, I could do what I wanted, it wasn’t a bad gig after the first week or to and it was clear he wasn’t going to divorce me. In the end hubby came around and things settled back to normal and he likes the dog. I’m glad I got the dog and stayed married, but if I learned anything from this it is that the communication between my husband and I sucks!! But it works for us… eventually.

You cant teach an old dog.

I had a little girls time last weekend. Wasn’t that long, left Friday morning and came back Sunday night. Monday morning when I woke up I noticed that there was a pot on the oven that had obviously been there for a few days. Not thinking anything of it I picked it up, put it in the sink, and filled it with water to soak.

I left the room and when I came back the dirty pot was emptied of water and sitting on the counter next to the sink. Letting out a sigh i filled the pot with water again, this time adding some dish soap, and placed it in the sink. shortly after my husband walked into the kitchen, emptied the pot, placed it on the counter and left. Well, now I’m pissed. “Why did you do that!” I stated loudly. My husband gave me a (fake) puzzled look and said “What did I do?” I stated that I filled the pot with water so whatever was left in it for 3 day would loosen, and placed it in the sink because I did not want it on the clean counter.

This is what we do now evidently, I do something, and he comes behind me and does it differently. Thing is, I didn’t do the same to him… until just recently. I want him to know what it feels like, so he hung a towel on the oven door, i pulled it off. And later in the day when he again hung the towel on the over door, I again pulled it off. But he has not said a thing!

Game on. Either he really didn’t notice that I put the towel away, OR (and more likely) he is messing with me by not making a big deal about it like I did, that way he can be the better person. But now that I know that he knows about this game, I cant let him be the better of the two of us. Now I am going to have to do something that will annoy him more that he annoyed me, and make sure he knows I did it. This, my friends is the secret of 32+ years of marriage.

Working from home is a new thing?

So I have been married for a long, long time, and I love my husband very much. Let me just start with that statement.

A couple of days ago he got out of his make shift office in the dinning room and met me in the Kitchen. He told me that it looked like he would probably be working from from home into the foreseeable future hopefully until he retires in October 2021. I truly was excited for him. I suggested we get a desk and a good office chair and make him an office in the spare bedroom, or the den. He told me he would think about it and let me know, but he really didn’t care.

About an hour later I started to think about the situation more. You know us women, we always over think things, are we doing enough, are we earning enough, are we cleaning enough, are we wifeing enough (Is wifeing even a word?). If he is home, will he think I dont do enough around the house? Should I make better meals? vacuum more? dust more? Suddenly I felt very inadequate, I felt like everything I did or didn’t do he would judge me for. The thought of sleeping in to 8 o’clock even freaked me out, since he would be working then. I felt like I would have to do everything that I normally do around his schedule. Suddenly I wasn’t so happy about my husband working from home.

I thought if I made him a nice office area, he would be appreciative and forget all the other things I was freaking out about, so I again asked him if he decided on an office. He stated he hadn’t and didn’t care where he sat. I got mad, I thought he should have a nice area and I didn’t understand why he didn’t care, and so we argued. Turns out he really did not care, I was putting pressure on myself to take care of it because I didn’t want to feel guilty about what I would be doing or not doing around the house. Seems strange I know, but isn’t that what women do?, Try to please people even at our own expense?

I still care about what happens while my husband is working from home, but I dont care if he has an office, I dont care what he thinks about me sleeping to eight every morning. As a woman it is hard to do, but I will try not to care so much unless asked too. Of course I will help my husband work from home if he asks for it. But I have learned over the years of being married is that my husband will speak up if he isn’t happy, and then we can discuss it. I forgot that for a moment.

Women put pressure on themselves to help and take care of people when those people dont want or need it. I think most women do the same thing, but I’m learning. It doesn’t mean I dont care, it just means I wont care if others dont care.

A weekend pt. 2

20200516_145325I went to a cabin with these women this weekend, that was the only plan we had! I’m not really the outdoors type, and my body is even less than the outdoors type, but I was willing.   We drank, we laughed, we ate, we rode outdoor vehicles and we explored nature.  The weekend was more than that however.  While we may have been laughing, or drunk (or both), we also supported each other, cried with each other, gave advise to one another and learned from one another.

Every once in a while, when the moment is perfect and the people your with are perfect a very special time occurs, please treasure that time.  At one point we got a vehicle stuck (and I mean stuck) in the mud.  It took us an hour, someone getting cut on her ear, a little swearing and one mud fight to get the vehicle out and on its way back to the cabin, but we did it.   It seemed that 90% of the time we laughed, and teased each other while doing it, or maybe we all just used the alcohol we drank after to forget the bad part, but it was something we all will remember for a while.  I’m guessing we will not only remember that time forever, but we will probably laugh and tease everyone each time we get together in the future. Isn’t that what friendship is about?

A weekend so nice, I blog’d it twice-pt 1

20200515_150621I’m sure a lot of people can relate to the fact that the current shelter in place/covid19 issues have me feeling some sort of way.   One can only Facebook and watch Tic Tok videos for so many hours every day! I dont even want to talk about the bread I’ve made, which means eaten too.

I really thought that I would soon smash my husband in the face if we were home together one more day… I’m sure that feeling was mutual, so when I got the opportunity to go up north to a friends cabin I jumped at the chance.  A couple of us girls headed up on Friday and had a few drinks to “catch up” of course.   The weekend was wonderfully relaxing and I’ve never laughed so hard all day long in my life.  These girls truly healed my mood and then some!

As is common, with most women, I began to feel guilty.  I left my home and family for a whopping 3 day and yet I felt like I had abandoned them completely.  Why do women feel so bad when they take some time for themselves?  In our brain, we feel like we need to be the woman in the heels and apron taking care of everyone and everything with a smile on our face.  I came home, kissed everyone hello and then started doing laundry, sounds like something many woman would do.  I told me husband that perhaps he could come up with me sometime soon.  He made a terrible face and got up to get a refill on his pizza. “So that’s a no thank you I guess.” I stated, and realized that I have no reason what so ever to feel guilty.  Ladies, dont be afraid to do something good for yourself, chances are the only one having issues with it is you!

They’re only young once…

Parents today put their kids in all kinds of extra activities. My husband and I were no exception, except my child was, and still is not, really a group kind of kid… thank goodness? I mean darn. We did supported him when he wanted to join boy scouts as a webalo…. or something like that. And for me, well I was very excited that my husband had to be the one to go to all the meetings.

The very first day he had to wear his cute little uniform to school I took pictures of the cute little 1st grader in his cute little uniform. If Facebook was around I totally would have posted the pic. He came home when school was over, walked into the house and announced that he was done with boy scouts. Why? I asked. He looked me dead on the eye and told me, at age 6, that he could not live with those kind of rules.

The following year he joined hockey. Very early practices, very cold early practices, and many of them! Lots of checks written. Still, we all enjoyed it very much, a good group of parents, a good group of kids… And man can hockey parents drink!

As much of a pain in the ass it was then, I truly miss it now. The cold, the cost, the concusions, all of it. Parents, don’t put your kids in so many activities that your “time

together” ends up being you in the stands when your kids are on the field practicing… News flash! That isn’t spending time together. Activities for kids are a great thing, if it’s done correctly by the parents and the kids are having fun.  Btw, my son is in his twenties and still plays hockey, and we wish we could go watch.

An eggplant means what?

Do you gram?Do you Gram?

Twenty plus years ago the company my husband works for gave all its employees a computer.  He received a monitor, keyboard and a tower.  We set it up, turned it on and sent emails to our friends and family.  We thought we were the shit!  Some time around there I also got my first cell phone.  It was big, but came in a bag that I could carry with me…  Best thing ever!!

Somewhere along the line, the smaller the computers got the more stupid I became!  Technology is progressing so fast today it feels like it is leaving those of us that are middle aged or older behind!   Insta, the gram,  Tik Tok,  snap,  is the norm for the younger generations while I am left wondering what the fuck it is and how to use it.  I really thought that “Netflix and chill” was just watch a movie on the couch with my family.   Imagine my child’s face when I told his friends that his dad and I were going to go home to “Netflix and chill”.    I dont even what to talk about the time I sent my boss an eggplant emoji stating I was bringing a big hot pan of eggplant Parmesan to the pot luck!

So now I stick to old peoples technology.  Facebook, which my kids say  40+ year old drinking moms use to stalk people in their neighborhood or to set up wine drinking parties.  Texting,  which has been replaced by snap chat.  BTW, no way I am taking that many pictures of myself with no bra and a double chin. and YES!  I still email!

I figure I made it this long not knowing what a plugin is (or how to install one for that matter)  I will survive doing what i’m doing as long as I can ask a millennial for help when I need it, after they rolls their eyes at me of course.  And if I text someone that I’m enjoying a rum & cum (damn you auto correct), that is OK, people know I’m to old to deal anyway.

 

 

Be gentle, it’s my first time.

I stopped working a few months before all the pandemic stuff came down. But many months before that I decided to start a podcast and eventually a blog. The process has not been as quick and easy as all the “How to start a podcast” sites say!

Do I have something people will want to listen to? Can I be informative and engaging weekly? Can I make money? How long will it take? Do I keep looking for work, even during the Shelter in place? What if I get a job, will I have time to continue working on the podcast?

All the insecurities of being woman, wife, mom, began to creep in. One minute I think to myself, I can do this and the next I’m thinking what if I fail? Is my husband going to support me in this venture? Is it fair that he is now the sole bread winner? What will the rest of my family think? What if my family needs me? How will I get my subject matter? What if nobody wants to listen to me? Really the questions go on and on.

So here is my first blog. It isnt’ funny, it isn’t informative, it’s not going to change the world, but I needed to move forward in this process. My partners and I are moving forward with the podcast and hope to have the first episode in a week or so, we are working hard on it, but this blog will be for me, and I hope you all think I have something to say. Thank you,