Tag Archives: husband

Our House….. two.

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So while I thought about calling this weeks blog “Winner Winner Chicken Dinner”, or “Neener neener neener”, I’m going to take the medium high road and call it something a bit basic, and resist the urge to say that I won this round for fear of jinxing myself and having to start this process all over again. I should probably go back several weeks and start at the beginning.

For those of you that are my normal readers, first I say thank you, and second I would like to refer you to a blog post I did about a month ago about the state of the inside of my house and how drastically it needs to be updated with regard to basic interior design areas. At the time I stated that my house of 20 years needed paint, new floors an updated kitchen and maybe even some new light fixtures. I also stated how badly my husband was apposed to any of this. At the time I wrote that he said that he did not want to spend any money on the house, that we didn’t need to do any updating and that we would worry about it when and if we ever decided to put the house up for sale. While we didn’t have a fight per say, it was awfully quiet in the house for the next several days. I will admit that we are both very stubborn which often leads to an even bigger stand off down the road.

So neither of us brought any thing up about the house until last week when my hubby and I were out… at a… local dinning establishment. Ok, we were at a bar. Truth be told after 33 years of marriage, the bar is a great place for us to have a talk. The alcohol loosens us up a bit, we aren’t going to make (much of) a scene in front of other people and its a neutral location to both of us, Alcohol is the glue holding our marriage together. Lets not forget the important thing, alcohol is cheaper than counseling! Strike that, it isn’t the way Dale and I drink, but I digress…

Somewhere between our 2nd and 3rd shot of Screwball my husband looked at me and said “I dont know how we will be able to ever match the wood floor in the foyer and the bathroom if we put wood in the rest of the house.” I looked at him for a second, gathering my thoughts for what I should say in reply. If I come on too strong he could back up, say he is only teasing, or blame the alcohol. If I come on too soft he might think I dont care, or dont think it is really that important, neither of which I want. I can’t help but wonder what made him change his mind, did someone talk to him? Did he read THAT blog? In the end I just laughed and ignored that he even said anything, again blaming it on the alcohol. That actually worked pretty well as neither of us brought it up again for the rest of the night and all was well.

The next day I came home from work and to my surprise he mentioned it again, but not in the same way of course. This time he asked me if I knew of any free programs or software on line that helped with interior design layouts, color and that sort of thing. This time I asked him what he was thinking. He said that he had been thinking about the house and that we probably did need to so some updating. He just didn’t want to spend a ton of money that we would have to worry about getting out of the house if we sell it in the next few years. I told him that I thought there probably was programs like that but that I would have to look them up to find them. He said that was cool and again we stopped talking about it further.

Saturday my husband had a funeral for a co-worker and I did not go with him because I had some other things to do. When it got close to the time when I thought he would be leaving I texted him. “Baby, do you want to take the car? I’m shopping for outdoor furniture and it wont fit in my car.” He said to just not buy a firepit because we never use them. I was surprised that he didn’t say anything about buying furniture, he seemed fine with it. In the end I didn’t buy anything, opting to buy it on line instead. As I sat near Dale with the computer in my lap I found the stuff I wanted to buy and asked him which card to use for the purchase. He looked at me totally shocked, then got mad that I was going to buy the furniture. I reminded him that I told him I was going to do it before he left for the funeral and he said nothing he said he wasn’t really listening to what I said. Humm, a husband who wasn’t really listening to his wife… there is a shocker. Anyway, I shut the laptop and quietly stewed for a couple hours.

Finally we come to today. After dinner we again sit down to watch TV. My husband asked me what my thoughts were on different types of flooring for the house. I told him what I had been thinking and he stated that he was just concerned about the kitchen mostly. He also told me that he had been thinking about replacing the kitchen cabinets as well as the counter top. I said that I had been also, but didn’t think that he wanted to get rid of the wood cabinets. He said that he would be open to even putting in colored cabinets. I was speechless, somehow we went from not wanting to spend any more or doing anything to the house to reflooring the whole house and pretty much doing a complete kitchen remodel. I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t expect it and now that it happened I dont know how to react. Do I go slow and let him make the moves? Do I jump in and hope that he doesn’t change his mind again? He is much, much more traditional in design that me, and we rarely agree on anything anyway, how will we mesh our styles and come to an agreement. I guess we will wait and see, unless he changes his mind again. Who knows what we will do….. certainly not me.

Our house, in the middle of the street

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Throughout my 33+ years of marriage I have had two standard replies when people ask me “what the secret to a long marriage is?” Sometimes I say “Separate vacations”, which is half truth, fact is if I really want to go someplace and the husband doesn’t, then I take my girlfriends. Same for him, but with his guy friends of course. We still take at least one really good vacation a year together tho. My second answer is usually “patience”. Then I follow it up by saying I just wait until he comes around to my way of thinking. The second response is more true than the first one, however it is also the most frustrating.

We have been living in the house we are currently in for 20 years. We built it when our kids were very young with the plans of staying in it until they were both out of school. Graduation days have come and gone and we are still here. Its a great neighborhood, close to where we work and the perfect combination of city and country to suit us. The house however is more than showing its wear and tear. We already had to replace the furnace, the air conditioner and our dishwasher. Mostly, however the house needs updating. I am thinking paint and new flooring. My husband is thinking paint. That is it, just paint. Of course to me, the idea of painting and NOT putting in some type of new flooring makes absolutely no sense. Why brighten up the place and leave the same dingy carpeting. To make the issue worse, I know that right now people want wood floors if we were to try and sell. Watching any fixer-upper show on HGTV and you’ll notice that right away. I also think that it will not only make the house look better and easier to sell that we could ask more money for it.

My husband has an entirely different thought on that however. In his mind, the people that move into the house next will want to put their own stamp on it. He thinks we should paint the house, every room, cream (how boring). No new carpeting and diffidently no wood floors because then the people that move in can put whatever they want in the house. As for the price, he feels like we should not worry about how much money we get for it. We should have it appraised and then ask that price, the end. As you can tell we are on very opposite ends when it comes to what we should and should not do to our house when we get it ready to sell.

Over this past summer, during the couple weeks our state opened up a little temporarily, we ran into a handy man at our local bar. After we told him what we were thinking of doing he began to ask us qualifying questions. When are we thinking of doing this he asked. I said that I wanted to start right away. My husband said “In the next year or so.” The gentleman asked if we wanted to remodel our kitchen. I said “yes”, but my husband said “no”. With a funny look on his face the gentleman asked the big question…. Carpeting? or wood floor? I, of course said wood floor! My husband, to my surprise, said “Carpeting,” then not surprisingly “but only downstairs”. We looked at each other and started to laugh. The gentleman looked at both of us, grabbed his beer and just walked away, without even a “call me when you two agree” between us. It was the last time we talked about remodeling the house until this weekend.

This weekend I brought it up again. I’m tired of the carpeting, the paint on the walls, everything really. It’s old looking and I think when people come in our house they must think we how badly we need to paint and replace the carpeting. My husbands parents came over and asked ME when we were going to do this, or do that to the house, or ask if there is a reason we aren’t doing something, like painting. It is frustrating to me because I feel like they blame me for the way the house looks. Their son is sitting right there and they never say anything to him, but I bite my lip and make up some stupid excuse. After they left, I brought up the subject again and asked hubby his thoughts. He said he just didn’t care about what our house looks like, it’s fine. He said he doesn’t want to go through all the remodeling mess again, and he doesn’t care how much money we get for the house when we sell it. I replied that I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to have a nice home, have a place to be proud of when people come over, have a place we can enjoy because it filled with things we love. He said he just didn’t as long as we were happy and healthy. How do I argue with that? So I just stopped talking about it. I have to hope that he changes his mind, that one of his friends, or his parents says something to him that makes him change his mind. And so I wait, wait for him to change his mind… again. I know (or hope) that he eventually will, but how long will that take? I guess I just wait… so we are at a standstill. Of course he didn’t want a dog but we got one so there is that, baby steps I guess.

Pillow fight!!!

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Haven’t had much time to write lately, getting adjusted to working everyday again has kicked my ass regarding time management for sure. The job itself I am enjoying, working for a high end pillow manufacture company just a couple of miles from my house. It’s a growing company, which is exciting, and I am developing a new sales department and new customer service department before moving into one or the other to manage.

As with most manufacturing jobs I get the chance to get products for myself. I recently brought home two pillows and was excited to use them. I came home from work and showed them to the husband. He thought they were very cool and seemed glad I could bring them home. They were different from each other because I wanted to learn the product as well as use them and offered the husband first choice of pillow. He squeezed one, squeezed the other and said he didn’t care. It was late and I took the pillows as we headed to bed. I selected one and put it inside a pillow case, the other I gave to him. He placed it on top the dresser and got in bed. “Aren’t you going to use the new pillow?” I asked him. Naw, was his reply and I fell asleep not thinking anything of it.

The next day comes and goes and it is night again. I will admit we had a couple… several…. ok many drinks and both of us needed to go to bed knowing that our age and alcohol would not be a good mix waking up the next day. It really is hell to get old. Again I asked the husband if he was going to use the new pillow and again he said “naw”. In an alcoholic rage I hit him with the pillow(OK maybe rage is too strong a word). He laughed and rolled over to go to sleep. I thought to myself “Remember to fight with him tomorrow after breakfast. Am I the only one, that after many years of marriage, plans a convenient time to have a fight with the husband? Anyone?

The next morning as we settled into our favorite chairs with our after breakfast cups of coffee I went in for the kill! “So. Don’t you like the pillow? we can switch.” he told me it was fine, he just didn’t want to use it. I gave him that look… you women know the one, and asked him why. He said he just didn’t want to. I reminded him that the pillow he uses now is actually three old pillows that have flattened so much they all fit in the same pillow case. He replied Yep, I like them. Wha whaaa.

That was it for the great pillow fight of 2020. Anticlimactic? Yes, much like other things that happen in our bedroom (wink wink). Stupid ass fight? Also yes, but it reminded me of a couple …. or is it several… many things. 1. My husband is a stubborn crazy ass. 2. Sometimes old is better than new. 3. If your happy dont change for others. 4. You cant teach an old dog new trick s (but we still try!) and 5. If you want 2 new fluffy pillows for your side of the bed buy them and enjoy. The husband doesn’t care … or has some motive that you will find out about in a day or two that probably includes him golfing.