Tag Archives: mom

Weekends while you work

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Even with older children my life is still pretty busy. I work 8 hours a day, well, usually more like nine. Plus podcast work, blog, club, cooking, cleaning, running to the grocery store, dog, etc. Every mom, woman, can relate right?

Usually by Wednesday I’m thinking about two things, wine and the weekend. After work, after dinner, after the dishes are done I have a glass of wine, sit down to watch tv and think about the weekend. Sometimes I already have plans for the weekend, sometimes I dont. I’m not going to lie sometimes I think about how I can get out of the plans that at I already have. Everyone does it right? Makes plans that seem awesome at the time, but then as the week goes on you start to think how you dont want to do anything anymore. There could be many reasons for this, something better came up, you dont have the money to do it, you didn’t want to do it in the first place, but your friend asked you, etc. Usually, for me it’s none of those things, usually it’s because I’m old, tired, and have a list of mom/wife things I need to do over the weekend.

First thing… Grocery store, which I hate by the way. The parking lot is crowded and everyone thinks THEY have the right of way. Don’t they know I have the right of way? Once, someone hit my car while I was inside grocery shopping. The drew a smiley face in the dirt on my, car next to the dent and wrote the word sorry. That was it, no note, no business card, nothing, just smiley face. In-side the store is not much better. People leave their carts in the middle of the row, stand talking to others blocking the way, or leave products they pick up earlier, but have now decided not to buy all over the store. The biggest offenders are usually skinny bitches in their basic white girl clothing. You know the ones, they have leggings on, even if their preferred way of weight control is using their middle finger instead of exercising. They also have nice expensive running shoes, a skin tight t-shirt and a black puffy Northface vest or jacket. Sometimes they kick up their outfit a bit by adding a pony tail or headband. Come on, you’ve all seen them. If you haven’t then you will now next time your at the store.

Second thing… Laundry. I really thought that as my boys got older I would have less laundry, delusional I know. I dont have less, even if I have the same amount it is bigger and slinkier now. Years ago my husband complained that I didn’t “iron” his shirts nice enough. I haven’t done ANY of his laundry since then, which seems nice at first, but it really isn’t. Last weekend he brought his laundry down stairs and proceeded to take the cloths out of the dryer (at least they were dry) and put them, I’d say stuff them, into a laundry basket, then put the cloths from the washer into the dryer NOT removing my linen J-crew pants thus turning them into shorts. Next he put one load of HIS cloths into the washer and left his second load on top of the washer claiming it for his next load. I pushed him on the issue, asked him why he thought it was ok to just put the clean cloths in a pile and not fold them, and why he felt like he could just jump in front of me doing everybody’s laundry, without even asking. His response…. I thought you were done, was not received well by me. I pointed out the warm dryer, the smell of fabric softener and the pile of dirty cloths in front of the washer as reasons why I wasn’t done. He gave me a quick sorry and went to watch football. I didn’t even get a smiley drawn in dirt with that one. Truth be told, I most often leave the last load of laundry in the dryer and dont fold it, only to have that load be the first one then next week… Easier to rewash than fold wrinkled right? That choice effects me and me only as the one that will have to do it next week, not him.

Third… Clean the house. I actually dont mind cleaning the house, it almost therapeutic for me. Except vacuuming, I hate vacuuming for some reason. Sometimes I can get the husband to vacuum. Of course it takes him twice as long and doesn’t do it right at all, but at least he tried. When my husband and I were first married, and we got in an argument, he would start cleaning the kitchen. Usually I would stop him, ask him what was wrong, and discuss the issue. Now, after all these years, I let him finish cleaning first and hope he moves on to one of the bathrooms before I want to now what he is mad at. Weirdly however, he never washes off the kitchen counters. He will unload and reload the dishwasher, wash the pans, take out the garbage, and sweep the floor, but doesn’t touch the counter. While I dont understand this mentality, if all I have to do is wipe down the counter than I am fine with that.

Disclaimer time: I very rarely, if ever, get all three of these tasks done in a weekend. Usually the laundry is my uncompleted chore of choice. Laundry just sucks, well folding and putting the laundry away sucks anyway, so sometimes Sunday night I decide that I am done doing chores for the weekend and the laundry can sit until the next weekend. Most weekends I have great intentions of getting a shit ton done, but find myself in the lazy boy, dog in my lap, laptop open, football on, just doing nothing of worth. I try to rationalize that there was a lot of stuff to do, nobody helps me, I didn’t have enough hours in the day etc. Truth is that isn’t true. I blame alcohol and fun! They are the reasons I dont finish my chores. As I’ve gotten older, I want to relax more, enjoy friends and family more, do things for me more. I dont feel guilty for taking time for me to relax and leaving the chores for (yet another) weekend. Well, maybe I feel a little guilty, but Wednesday night when my husband is watching something he wants to watch on TV I will pour myself a glass of wine and think about all the things I need to do this coming weekend and plan how I will get it all done so I dont feel guilty….. again.

Drugs man…

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As far as being an adult goes I would say I am about 75% responsible. I do things that adults should do. I keep my house clean (mostly), I pay my bills on time, I have regular doctor visits, etc. Most, ok all, these tasks suck big time, but I do them because I’m a grown ass person and that is what grownups do. Moms especially have a lot of things that they have to do because they are an adult. Sorry dads, you do lots of things too, but the tasks are not evenly distributed and you know it.

Through the years I have been blessed with being healthy. No surgeries, no crazy health issues etc. I do however have high Cholesterol and a bad case of adult A.D.D. both of which I take prescriptions for. I am lucky and blessed that these are my only two health issues as someone…well middle aged. Both issues are very easily manageable with medication although lets be honest, I probably would not take the Cholesterol medication if I didn’t HAVE take the A.D.D. medication. Like many health issues I dont feel like I have a cholesterol issue. If I take the medication or dont, I feel exactly the same way. So, I often think to myself that I can skip it today or if I run out of the prescription I think about filling it when it is convenient for me to do so and not when I a have none left to take.

My A.D.D. is a different story however. I know when I have forgotten to take this medicine and my friends can tell also. I have many times been hanging out with my friends and one of them will say “Did you forget to take your pill today?” It usually happens during conversation, I will say something and forget what I am saying right in the middle of a sentence. It isn’t just a simple “squirrel” moment where you pause for a moment and then carry on with the sentence. It’s a bigger lost my place mid sentence, totally cant remember what I was saying and I doesn’t come back moment. Sometimes I say a word that is not related to the topic and doesn’t even belong in the sentence at all. Sometimes its retention things. You can tell me something but I wont remember it. It affects me at work the most and so, I never ever want to go to work without taking my A.D.D. medicine… ever

Like all prescriptions they run out, usually a 30 day supply, then refills. Every month I look at my drugs and think to myself that 3 days or so before I run out of them I will call the pharmacy to get a refill. Sometimes that days comes and I’m running late for work so I forget to call in the refill. Sometimes I take the bottle to work so that I can call in the RX at a slow moment at work. Honestly, usually I still forget or feel guilty for taking the time at work to do a non-work related task. Often when that happens I either leave them at work thinking I will call the next day, but then feel guilty again. Or bring them home with me, but forget them in the car so nothing gets accomplished then either. Really you wouldn’t think calling in a prescription would be so complicated. Maybe, ironically, my A.D.D. complicates the tasks purely because of the ironic memory tasks involved. Maybe I subconsciously dont want to be that grown ass adult that does things on time strictly because I’m a grown ass adult. Maybe I dont prioritize my mental and physical health enough to warrant getting the prescription refilled on time.

Regardless, its the same thing every month. Notice I’m running low on the prescription. Take 2 or 3 days of saying I’m going get it filled, followed by finally getting it filled on the last day, or sometimes a day or two after I have run out even. Then, of course me saying that next month I’m not going to procrastinate so much and not wait till the last minute to get them refilled. It goes on and on. I do feel like I am not the only one to do this right? Other adults have tasks that, for whatever reason, they dont like to do? I cannot be the only one? My husband always get his prescriptions filled on time and even a day or two ahead of time (the bastard, LOL). His issue is getting gas in his truck. He drives his truck with the needs gas indicator light on for days, Good thing his truck (evidently) drives on fumes. I have a friend that hates folding laundry and often will just re-wash an old load to get the wrinkles out before they fold it. If I made a list of things adults put off I’m sure it would be long, and I would have more than one task on it. I would say that I will work on becoming 100% adult at completing all tasks, but honestly I dont think I want to work that hard, so 75% grown ass adult is fine with me.

Happiness is… being happy!

This is my brother Steve (yes, he will be pissed I posted this), who lives in Northern Wisconsin at a resort he and his partner own in a quiet little town. He has lots of of friends, his customers love him, he is well known in the area and is involved in many community events. He always has this smile on his face, but that doesn’t mean he is still happy with everything in his life.

Happiness is not something that we are usually judged on. We look at people and define them by the job they have, the house they live in, and the things they own. If you have those things you must be happy right?

But what if as time goes on we change and learn what really makes us happy, (Being happy? What a concept!) by that time we are usually knee deep in… well life! We worry about what change will mean to other people, how it will affect the people that love us and the people we love. Change is also very inconvenient. It means changing our routine, doing things we have never done before, and changing your relationship with the people you know as well.

Shouldn’t being happy be the most important thing in your life? The old saying “You cant change everyone” is true, more than that however, you cant change anyone but yourself! Changing yourself to be happy is hard, but pleasing everyone is exhausting. What if people supported you, and cheered you on as you seek to be a happier (and better) person? I am willing to bet that most your friends will. Your new inner circle of friends will be of much greater quality, with less quantity, and that is OK.

Some of the people that you thought supported you disappear and make no effort to be seen again. Don’t we all have that friend (and sometimes multiple)that calls you to rant about what is happening to them, and never asks what is happening with you? They call you for help, but never help you. They do things that make you think “Why wasn’t I invited? I would have invited them.” These people may not be around when you try to be happy, and that is good even if it doesn’t seem like it right away. Do these people really make you happy? When your shoes, couch or car dont make you happy you either fix it or get a new ones right? It sounds so simple, if it doesn’t make you happy replace it with something that does…. dont you deserve it?

An impossible decision?

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Today i went grocery shopping. I’ve done it a million times and probably will do it million more times over my life time. While it isn’t something I like to do, I really hate it in fact, its apart of life and so I do it. I’m not going to lie, if I can find a way to trick my husband into doing it I will, although he most often buys more stuff that is NOT on the grocery list than is on it.

Today when I came out of the grocery store it was pouring, like couldn’t see across the parking lot raining, like catching your boyfriend cheating on you so you sit and ugly cry pouring. I stood there for a couple of moments thinking it would lighten up a little, but it didn’t. While my husband may think me the wicked witch of the west, I’m not and so I will not melt if I get wet I thought. Taking a deep breath I pushed the cart forward and out of the door to my car. By the time I got to my car everything was wet, really wet. I popped the trunk and looked to my basket for what to put in the dry trunk first.

Do I grab the large pack of toilet paper I had purchased or do I grab my brand new coach purse that I got last week was my first thought? I cant decide what is worse, the fact that I am worried about a purse? or that I have to worry about something that I wipe my ass with. The world is so strange today. Things that we thought were important has been replaced with things that we never thought were important. We hear “the new normal” all the time, and I ignored it most of the time. But we now live in a world where toilet paper is one of the most important things a person can get. When I see toilet paper available to purchase i state in my head “yes!” like I have won the mother load.

Half an hour later I’m still thinking about that moment, not because I was concerned about ruining the toilet paper or the purse, but because HAD to think about what was more important. The “new norm” sucks. Being excited because I got the toilet paper in the car without it getting wet? Really that was something I worried about? What future changes will be coming? We dont know, but hope that things return back to pre-covid times. In the mean time I will try to not worry about toilet paper and start enjoying the time I spend with my family, enjoy the great outdoor more and count my blessings that my friends and family are all healthy. When this is all done maybe I wont be excited about buying a new purse, maybe I will be excited I can wipe my ass.

Pillow fight!!!

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Haven’t had much time to write lately, getting adjusted to working everyday again has kicked my ass regarding time management for sure. The job itself I am enjoying, working for a high end pillow manufacture company just a couple of miles from my house. It’s a growing company, which is exciting, and I am developing a new sales department and new customer service department before moving into one or the other to manage.

As with most manufacturing jobs I get the chance to get products for myself. I recently brought home two pillows and was excited to use them. I came home from work and showed them to the husband. He thought they were very cool and seemed glad I could bring them home. They were different from each other because I wanted to learn the product as well as use them and offered the husband first choice of pillow. He squeezed one, squeezed the other and said he didn’t care. It was late and I took the pillows as we headed to bed. I selected one and put it inside a pillow case, the other I gave to him. He placed it on top the dresser and got in bed. “Aren’t you going to use the new pillow?” I asked him. Naw, was his reply and I fell asleep not thinking anything of it.

The next day comes and goes and it is night again. I will admit we had a couple… several…. ok many drinks and both of us needed to go to bed knowing that our age and alcohol would not be a good mix waking up the next day. It really is hell to get old. Again I asked the husband if he was going to use the new pillow and again he said “naw”. In an alcoholic rage I hit him with the pillow(OK maybe rage is too strong a word). He laughed and rolled over to go to sleep. I thought to myself “Remember to fight with him tomorrow after breakfast. Am I the only one, that after many years of marriage, plans a convenient time to have a fight with the husband? Anyone?

The next morning as we settled into our favorite chairs with our after breakfast cups of coffee I went in for the kill! “So. Don’t you like the pillow? we can switch.” he told me it was fine, he just didn’t want to use it. I gave him that look… you women know the one, and asked him why. He said he just didn’t want to. I reminded him that the pillow he uses now is actually three old pillows that have flattened so much they all fit in the same pillow case. He replied Yep, I like them. Wha whaaa.

That was it for the great pillow fight of 2020. Anticlimactic? Yes, much like other things that happen in our bedroom (wink wink). Stupid ass fight? Also yes, but it reminded me of a couple …. or is it several… many things. 1. My husband is a stubborn crazy ass. 2. Sometimes old is better than new. 3. If your happy dont change for others. 4. You cant teach an old dog new trick s (but we still try!) and 5. If you want 2 new fluffy pillows for your side of the bed buy them and enjoy. The husband doesn’t care … or has some motive that you will find out about in a day or two that probably includes him golfing.

Hi ho, hi ho, off to work I go.

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Time for a job. So I applied for jobs…. well, 2 jobs, lets not rush into these things you know. I was excited for one job more than the other, but both jobs were blind ads so I didn’t know much about either. While I joked often about never going back to work, I new it was time. My husband, although very supportive, was also very happy I would be going back to work. Very Very happy.

I’m not sure why I didn’t tell anyone I had applied for a couple of jobs. A lot of people think that if you talk about it you will jinx your chances of getting the position. I’m not sure I think that, but why risk it? I quit my last job, and it was a really good job, so I felt pressure to find an equal or better job. I worked my ass off to get where I was, so I was going to get a better job than I had. Another part of my fear was that I would be rejected, time and time again, its not easy to get a lot of rejection as everyone knows.

What I thought was interesting when I talked about starting to look for a job was the reaction I got. One person would be very encouraging, and the next would be sympathetic (dont be surprised if you dont find a job for months). Some people even thought I should take any job, no mater the pay. Most interesting was the people who said things like “So your husband is finally making you get a job”, or “your husband will be happy”. I’m not going to lie, I wanted to bitch slap a lot of them! My husband supports anything I do, even if it was never going back to work. Every time I went out, my friends would asked if I “had a job yet” or “have you thought about doing (blank). I felt the pressure from everyone I knew to get a job, which increased the pressure I put on myself even more!

I ended up getting the first job I applied for and got it the same day as the interview so back to work I went, although without a summer tan. I will have time to get a tan when I get older. I told my friends I got a job. Suddenly all the advice, thoughts, and concern they had quickly vanished in one very anti-climatic “congrats”. There are many, many insecurities faced when someone looks for a job. Am I good enough for the position? Will how I look effect if they hire me? Will they like the suit I am wearing for the interview? Am I smart enough to do this position? The list goes on and on. What my friends and family were thinking should not have been one of the things I worried about. Getting a job was what I wanted to do and I got the job I wanted, and yes, my husband is happy, very very happy.