This is my brother Steve (yes, he will be pissed I posted this), who lives in Northern Wisconsin at a resort he and his partner own in a quiet little town. He has lots of of friends, his customers love him, he is well known in the area and is involved in many community events. He always has this smile on his face, but that doesn’t mean he is still happy with everything in his life.
Happiness is not something that we are usually judged on. We look at people and define them by the job they have, the house they live in, and the things they own. If you have those things you must be happy right?
But what if as time goes on we change and learn what really makes us happy, (Being happy? What a concept!) by that time we are usually knee deep in… well life! We worry about what change will mean to other people, how it will affect the people that love us and the people we love. Change is also very inconvenient. It means changing our routine, doing things we have never done before, and changing your relationship with the people you know as well.
Shouldn’t being happy be the most important thing in your life? The old saying “You cant change everyone” is true, more than that however, you cant change anyone but yourself! Changing yourself to be happy is hard, but pleasing everyone is exhausting. What if people supported you, and cheered you on as you seek to be a happier (and better) person? I am willing to bet that most your friends will. Your new inner circle of friends will be of much greater quality, with less quantity, and that is OK.
Some of the people that you thought supported you disappear and make no effort to be seen again. Don’t we all have that friend (and sometimes multiple)that calls you to rant about what is happening to them, and never asks what is happening with you? They call you for help, but never help you. They do things that make you think “Why wasn’t I invited? I would have invited them.” These people may not be around when you try to be happy, and that is good even if it doesn’t seem like it right away. Do these people really make you happy? When your shoes, couch or car dont make you happy you either fix it or get a new ones right? It sounds so simple, if it doesn’t make you happy replace it with something that does…. dont you deserve it?
Today i went grocery shopping. I’ve done it a million times and probably will do it million more times over my life time. While it isn’t something I like to do, I really hate it in fact, its apart of life and so I do it. I’m not going to lie, if I can find a way to trick my husband into doing it I will, although he most often buys more stuff that is NOT on the grocery list than is on it.
Today when I came out of the grocery store it was pouring, like couldn’t see across the parking lot raining, like catching your boyfriend cheating on you so you sit and ugly cry pouring. I stood there for a couple of moments thinking it would lighten up a little, but it didn’t. While my husband may think me the wicked witch of the west, I’m not and so I will not melt if I get wet I thought. Taking a deep breath I pushed the cart forward and out of the door to my car. By the time I got to my car everything was wet, really wet. I popped the trunk and looked to my basket for what to put in the dry trunk first.
Do I grab the large pack of toilet paper I had purchased or do I grab my brand new coach purse that I got last week was my first thought? I cant decide what is worse, the fact that I am worried about a purse? or that I have to worry about something that I wipe my ass with. The world is so strange today. Things that we thought were important has been replaced with things that we never thought were important. We hear “the new normal” all the time, and I ignored it most of the time. But we now live in a world where toilet paper is one of the most important things a person can get. When I see toilet paper available to purchase i state in my head “yes!” like I have won the mother load.
Half an hour later I’m still thinking about that moment, not because I was concerned about ruining the toilet paper or the purse, but because HAD to think about what was more important. The “new norm” sucks. Being excited because I got the toilet paper in the car without it getting wet? Really that was something I worried about? What future changes will be coming? We dont know, but hope that things return back to pre-covid times. In the mean time I will try to not worry about toilet paper and start enjoying the time I spend with my family, enjoy the great outdoor more and count my blessings that my friends and family are all healthy. When this is all done maybe I wont be excited about buying a new purse, maybe I will be excited I can wipe my ass.
Haven’t had much time to write lately, getting adjusted to working everyday again has kicked my ass regarding time management for sure. The job itself I am enjoying, working for a high end pillow manufacture company just a couple of miles from my house. It’s a growing company, which is exciting, and I am developing a new sales department and new customer service department before moving into one or the other to manage.
As with most manufacturing jobs I get the chance to get products for myself. I recently brought home two pillows and was excited to use them. I came home from work and showed them to the husband. He thought they were very cool and seemed glad I could bring them home. They were different from each other because I wanted to learn the product as well as use them and offered the husband first choice of pillow. He squeezed one, squeezed the other and said he didn’t care. It was late and I took the pillows as we headed to bed. I selected one and put it inside a pillow case, the other I gave to him. He placed it on top the dresser and got in bed. “Aren’t you going to use the new pillow?” I asked him. Naw, was his reply and I fell asleep not thinking anything of it.
The next day comes and goes and it is night again. I will admit we had a couple… several…. ok many drinks and both of us needed to go to bed knowing that our age and alcohol would not be a good mix waking up the next day. It really is hell to get old. Again I asked the husband if he was going to use the new pillow and again he said “naw”. In an alcoholic rage I hit him with the pillow(OK maybe rage is too strong a word). He laughed and rolled over to go to sleep. I thought to myself “Remember to fight with him tomorrow after breakfast. Am I the only one, that after many years of marriage, plans a convenient time to have a fight with the husband? Anyone?
The next morning as we settled into our favorite chairs with our after breakfast cups of coffee I went in for the kill! “So. Don’t you like the pillow? we can switch.” he told me it was fine, he just didn’t want to use it. I gave him that look… you women know the one, and asked him why. He said he just didn’t want to. I reminded him that the pillow he uses now is actually three old pillows that have flattened so much they all fit in the same pillow case. He replied Yep, I like them. Wha whaaa.
That was it for the great pillow fight of 2020. Anticlimactic? Yes, much like other things that happen in our bedroom (wink wink). Stupid ass fight? Also yes, but it reminded me of a couple …. or is it several… many things. 1. My husband is a stubborn crazy ass. 2. Sometimes old is better than new. 3. If your happy dont change for others. 4. You cant teach an old dog new trick s (but we still try!) and 5. If you want 2 new fluffy pillows for your side of the bed buy them and enjoy. The husband doesn’t care … or has some motive that you will find out about in a day or two that probably includes him golfing.
Time for a job. So I applied for jobs…. well, 2 jobs, lets not rush into these things you know. I was excited for one job more than the other, but both jobs were blind ads so I didn’t know much about either. While I joked often about never going back to work, I new it was time. My husband, although very supportive, was also very happy I would be going back to work. Very Very happy.
I’m not sure why I didn’t tell anyone I had applied for a couple of jobs. A lot of people think that if you talk about it you will jinx your chances of getting the position. I’m not sure I think that, but why risk it? I quit my last job, and it was a really good job, so I felt pressure to find an equal or better job. I worked my ass off to get where I was, so I was going to get a better job than I had. Another part of my fear was that I would be rejected, time and time again, its not easy to get a lot of rejection as everyone knows.
What I thought was interesting when I talked about starting to look for a job was the reaction I got. One person would be very encouraging, and the next would be sympathetic (dont be surprised if you dont find a job for months). Some people even thought I should take any job, no mater the pay. Most interesting was the people who said things like “So your husband is finally making you get a job”, or “your husband will be happy”. I’m not going to lie, I wanted to bitch slap a lot of them! My husband supports anything I do, even if it was never going back to work. Every time I went out, my friends would asked if I “had a job yet” or “have you thought about doing (blank). I felt the pressure from everyone I knew to get a job, which increased the pressure I put on myself even more!
I ended up getting the first job I applied for and got it the same day as the interview so back to work I went, although without a summer tan. I will have time to get a tan when I get older. I told my friends I got a job. Suddenly all the advice, thoughts, and concern they had quickly vanished in one very anti-climatic “congrats”. There are many, many insecurities faced when someone looks for a job. Am I good enough for the position? Will how I look effect if they hire me? Will they like the suit I am wearing for the interview? Am I smart enough to do this position? The list goes on and on. What my friends and family were thinking should not have been one of the things I worried about. Getting a job was what I wanted to do and I got the job I wanted, and yes, my husband is happy, very very happy.