Between the time of the year and this strange pandemic I just haven’t felt like writing anything for the last couple of weeks. I’d sit at my computer like I’ve done 100’s of times and yet nothing seemed to come out. During the day, at work, or other places I would think of a topic and get excited, think of how I wanted to write it. Think about how if I wanted to write something funny or serious, etc. Then I would get home, open up the laptop and start to write. Starting is always the hardest part, but eventually I could get it right an then the rest came easy. But lately I just couldn’t get started. There was nothing I felt like writing about.
I’d start writing on a topic that I thought I could do a really good job with. Something that I believed in or thought I got inspired by. I’d start, then erase, and start again. Sometimes I get through the first paragraph and then onto the second. I would re-read and think… boring, not funny, or just plain stupid and delete it all. My mind jumped around quickly and I felt like I was writing a lot of stuff that just rambled and rambled on.
Then last week it started to come back, the urge to write. I realized I missed writing, but still I didn’t know what to write. I re-read some of my old blogs, and read a bunch of blogs from the people I follow. In a way that seemed to make things worse for my issue. There are so many smart, funny and talented people out there. So many really good blogs, I started to doubt myself. Soon I was back to not wanting to write again. Then a funny thing happened. I got an email notification that it was time to renew my website. I looked at the email, it was short and to the point, like most email requesting money are. There was an unsubscribe button at the bottom and for a moment I just thought about unsubscribing and I’d be done with the whole thing.
I let the email sit there for a couple days, I even marked it as “unread” so that I could find it quicker when I went back to my emails. Every time I opened up the emails it was there, and i’d look at it and think about if I should stop blogging or not. Stopping would be the easier way to go, but I really do like to write.
I decided, and honestly I dont know why, that I would renew for another year. It felt like the right thing to do for myself. I’m not a quitter, and even if subjects escape me I dont want to give up. Writing is something I have always like to do. I know it sound cliché, but I do write for myself, to make myself happy.
So hopefully by next weeks blog I will have something funny, smart, or informative to write about. Something that even for a moment makes people forget their issues. This pandemic has squashed my creativity, but hopefully it is coming back to me soon. I dont know what I want to write, but I do now that I do want to write. I take some solace in knowing that I can’t be the only person the think this way right? Somehow, even if I just sit at my lap top looking at a blank screen I need to continue to try to get past this mental block. If not for anyone else but me.